Straight Women Reveal Why They Enjoy Watching Lesbian Porn

A few weeks ago, I wrote an article about my distaste toward lesbian porn. Which to some may sound strange, as I'm pretty much as a gay as it gets.

While I do get hot for lesbian erotica written by queer women, my keen eyes have never borne witness to a lesbian porn movie that has even mildly turned me on.

Sometimes, I try to get down and dirty to straight porn, but when the close-up of the dick comes flailing into the frame like a bat out of hell — boldly erect in all its veiny glory — I dry heave, swear to stave off sex for life and contemplate becoming a nun (at least I will be paid for my celibacy).

But lesbian porn? It's the worst. I mean, issue number one is THE NAILS. Every dyke on the block knows that real lesbians don't have long, acrylic nails, and porn is loaded with vicious-looking talons. "Inside destroyers,"my quick-witted lesbian friend calls them.

Issue number 2 is female porn stars just aren't really my type. I'm not into thick-lipped, silicone-breasted, high-femme ladies batting their mega-spider lashes as they seductively pout into a camera lens. There's only room for ONE thick-lipped (I don't have silicone breasts), high-femme lady batting her mega-spider lashes as she seductively pouts into a camera lens (not during sex, I'm not that cool, but it's no secret I love my coy Instagram selfies) in a relationship.

And that's me, sweet kittens.

But the biggest issue at hand is number 3: The women in lesbian porn just lack that intoxicating, bold, lesbian swagger, the gay girl prowess that makes my heart drop into my chest and my knees weak. They come across as straight girls performing girl-on-girl acts, not seasoned lesbians who know how to really make a girl cum.

So, I was surprised when it recently came to my attention that lesbian porn is actually wildly, wildly popular in the straight-girl scene.

It's come to my attention that lesbian porn is wildly, wildly popular in the straight-girl scene.

While making small talk with some of my straight girl friends a few weeks back as if I were discussing the weather or baseball (two things I would never talk about), I casually said, "I hate lesbian porn. If I watch porn, it's straight porn."

"I love lesbian porn!" my two friends chirped back with a genuine enthusiasm, their sing-song voices in almost perfect unison. "It's the only porn I watch."

What sort of parallel universe are we living in?

Was it just me and my two freaky friends that had such backwards porn habits? Are there other straight women loving lesbian porn, too? I knew I had to get to the bottom of this confusing conundrum.

So, I decided to do what I do best: press people about their ~sex lives~.

First, I asked Lilly*, a smart, educated heterosexual 23-year-old if she liked lesbian porn. And girl, does she ever.

"I like it because I just find the female body really aesthetically pleasing," she says. "A close-up shot of a pair of large, round boobs are nicer to look at than a close-up shot of a veiny dick."

She's not the only straight girl on the block who finds the female body easier on the eyes. My powerhouse writer/editor friend, a notoriously prolific feminist named Tia*, says, "Seeing a dick in the scene just isn't appealing."

Which brings us to another point: The sensuality of lesbian porn compared to the intense, male-dominated aggression depicted in girl-on-guy porn. It seems straight women prefer the former.

"I like seeing women pleasuring other women because it feels softer and more sensual than the aggressive pounding in straight porn, which grosses me out when I watch it happen in front of me (having it happen TO me is a different story)," says Lilly.

Ah, yes, the pound, pound, POUND factor. It's a big one.

"I hate seeing him just pound a girl you can tell is not enjoying it (there's a technique to heterosexual orgasm!)," says Tia.

Cassandra*, a 28-year-old fierce blonde, agrees. "Lesbian porn just feels like a safer and more sensual encounter for the actors, and for me as a viewer," she says.

(Hmmm... Maybe that's another reason why I don't like lesbian porn? Real lesbian sex, even though it's between two women, can be wildly aggressive in a way that I find sexy.)

And finally, there's the "the male gaze" problem. I'm personally put off by the fact that I can tell the women in lesbian porn are performing for a male audience (and anytime men get thrown into my sacred Sapphic sex mix, I check right out).

I'm put off by the fact that I can tell the women in lesbian porn are performing for a male audience.

But straight women don't seem to pick up on this when viewing girl-on-girl videos.

An articulate girl creature friend of mine who strictly watches lesbian porn and identifies as "more on the straight end of the bi spectrum," says, "Even though some of it is obviously as fake as porn can get, lesbian porn looks more neutral POV-wise. Straight porn seems like its really for the dude's benefit of watching."

"It doesn't turn me on to see a guy getting all the pleasure while a girl just seems to be accommodating him in some way," Tia echoes.

There seems to be a consistent theme circling around here: Straight women are tired of watching men pound girls like energizer bunnies on steroids, especially when it's blazingly transparent to them that the girl in the scene is clearly not enjoying herself.

It's not a sex scene that straight women can relate to or enjoy. There is no ~fantasy~ element because they are able to see right through this disingenuous performance. (As Lilly says, "I just laugh at it and get freaked out by it.")

Interestingly enough, straight women's distaste for hetero porn seems pretty lined up with my issues with lesbian porn.

Because I have lesbian sex (a LOT of it, at that), I know what a woman looks like when she's in the throes of real desire, so I usually don't buy the performance I'm watching.

"It's not realistic... like… I'm not into straight girls fucking each other," says my dear friend who is currently in a committed relationship with a woman. "If the chicks were a little more real and you could potentially imagine them being gay, then I'd probably be into it."

On the other hand, straight women can watch lesbian porn and hold on to the glittering fantasy of it all. They don't have consistent sex with women, so they don't know how fake the action they're viewing really, truly is. Just like I can watch straight porn and be turned on by the glittering fantasy as well (until that dick close-up comes in, ruining everything for every woman, lesbian or straight).

So, it seems like modern porn is really only fully satisfying men (SHOCKER). Is is too much to ask for porn that is sexy to all of us women, too?

Is is too much to ask for porn that is sexy to all of us women, too?

I think whether you're bisexual, straight, gay, trans, poly, trans, queer — or wherever you fall on the diverse sexuality spectrum — you deserve to get off to porn that YOU find sexy.

Until that happens, I guess we'll have to work with what we have, kittens.  So dust off that old erotica book from the '80s, sit back, stick fresh batteries into the vibrator and get down with your bad self.

*Name has been changed.