Tweets About One-Night Stands That Are Funny Because They're True

Relationships are WAY too much work. I can barely walk my dog without getting annoyed at how long it takes him to take a shit, do you really think I have the patience to deal with dating?

LOL. NO. For the safety and happiness of the world, I stay single.

But I still have sex, don't worry. (You weren't worried.)

One-night stands have kind of become my ~thing~. As previously mentioned, I have zero patience for literally any humans or pooping dogs, so one-night stands are really perfect for me. Let's just get it on and go home.

And when I say "go home," I mean I make the guy go home early the next morning. Having one-night stands at apartments other than mine are just a waste of my damn time. And like I said, I HAVE ZERO PATIENCE for literally anything.

One-night stands are really perfect for me. Let's just get it on and go home.

But, like, I understand the risks of having sex with people you've only known for literally three hours.

Who knows? One day, I could meet a guy at bar and be like, "Wowwwww, OMG. This guy's hot and has a brain. Must bone." Then, we get back to my place and he's like, "LOLLLZZZZZ. I'm totally a murderer." And then, I'm like, "Hahahaha, OK, fuck."

But also, like, whatever. It's OK to take these risks as long as you know why you're taking them, right? RIGHT???

The truth about one-night stands is, while they are pretty fun if you're being safe, they also have a habit of bringing up feelings you've probably been suppressing.

(SHUT UP, MOM. I'M NOT LONELY.)

Here are some tweets that show the REAL truth about one-night stands:

Everything's fine. I'm not dead inside.

Sometimes, you find out you're really just hungry.

Or you realize you've made a horrible, horrible mistake.

Some discover a love for furniture. I mean, that's the whole point of going to someone ELSE'S house, right?

Yes. I can confirm this is exactly what happens.

So, like, yeah. One-night stands are awesome and totally not helping me suppress anything. Nope. I'm happy, hahaha so happy.

This is so fun, guys. We should do this more often.