10 Awesome Things About Lesbian Sex That Nobody Tells You About

"Oh, lesbian sex is probably so good because you inherently understand each other's BODIES better, right?"

I remember overhearing a woman ask another woman this in a downtown Manhattan coffee shop when I was a little kid. I was maybe 10 years old, but I totally got what she was saying and totally agreed, silently, in my head.

"Oh, lesbians have the best sex because women don't just pound into other women like goddamn men do!" I heard on a lesbian sex panel that I somehow attended at an LGTBQ+ convention in high school.

I was in the "Gay Straight Alliance" at that time, and we took a field trip to a liberal arts university for the event. I wasn't "out" yet, just an overzealous "ally" to my queer brothers and sisters.

"Lesbians have REALLY good sex because they're more emotionally connected to each other," I read in a lesbian romance novel when I was on vacation in Cape Cod the summer of 2002.

I had just kissed a girl for the first time and was pretty sure I was gay but didn't dare say a word to anyone about it. I just read books and watched movies about girls falling in love with each other.

I mean, don't we all hear how amazing lesbian sex is all the time, whether we're straight, gay or anywhere in-between?

So before I came out of the big, burly closet and actually started having sex with girls IRL, I knew that the sex would be awesome.

And it wasn't just because I was hot for women. People always talked about how much lesbians understood each others bodies on this really profound level, and how they knew how to tease each other and that the deeper emotional connection they shared made for far more powerful sex.

I expected all of those things to be true, and for the most part, they were.

But there were also some very, very unexpectedly awesome things that came with lesbian sex that I wasn't prepared for. Shocking things I couldn't have dreamed up.

Here are a few:

1. How comfortable it is to sleep on boobs after sex.

There is nothing more comfortable to sleep on than boobs. Boobs are these cushion-y wondrous things, so comforting and soft that they will really rock you gently to sleep.

I can't imagine how uncomfortable it must be to sleep on a man's hairy chest, now that I've experienced the glory of sleeping on boobs. Especially after sex. A nap on boobs after sex is the best nap of your life.

A nap on boobs after sex is the best nap of your life.

2. A strap on is always hard.

I actually feel really bad for men and their erection issues. I can't imagine how much pressure it would be to have a dick, and have to worry about it NOT getting hard because you have performance anxiety or you're drunk.

Personally speaking, I have a ton of anxiety and am often drunk, so if I had a dick, my sex life wouldn't be looking too hot.

When you're dealing with a strap on, you never have to worry about the dildo getting soft. You can always have dick confidence because it's never going to fail you and get soft or pre-ejaculate.

It's always hard. And that's a beautiful thing.

3. You can buy your ideal size penis at the store.

All of us women are shaped differently and have a preference for size and width.

For straight couples, that's a really tough thing to navigate. What if you get along great but he just doesn't fit you right? What if he's too small? What if he's nervous because he knows he's small but he loves you?

GOD, it's SO COMPLICATED. I can't imagine how much therapy I would need if I were a guy worrying about my size.

However, lesbians can just buy the size they like at the store. We can literally shop for the "dick" that suits us.

Plus, we don't have to deal with balls, and we can buy really pretty pastel ones too. We don't have to deal with gross veins or rancid smells.

And no matter how much sex we have, there will always be a dildo big enough to satisfy our needs.

4. There are so many different ways to have sex.

Sex isn't just penetration, thrust in and thrust out. We consider sex many things: oral, strap ons, fingers, fisting, scissoring, 69ing — the possibilities are endless, are as our orgasms.

The possibilities are endless, as are our orgasms.

5. Slut shaming doesn't exist.

You will never, ever have to worry about being slut shamed again when you cross over to the dark, Sapphic side of life. I mean, what is a woman going to do? Scream "You whore! You fucked me on the first date!"?

Because you could just turn your pretty little head around and shout back "NO, girl. You're the whore who fucked me on the first date."

It takes two to get down and dirty, and we don't have fuckboys dominating the sex scene, calling the shots and making girls feel ashamed for being sexual creatures.

Plus, lesbians don't really think in the terms of slut, anyway. Our brains aren't wired like that.

In fact, if you're a lesbian who sleeps with a lot of people, you're not going to get a bad reputation like you would in hetero world. There is an unspoken respect level that women have for one another, and we enjoy a local lesbian with a high libido.

Yeah, girl. Be sexual in this dismal world.

6. Sex flows better when you're relatively the same size.

Every woman I've ever dated has been within at least three inches taller or shorter than me.

I see 6-foot tall men walking around with 5-foot women, and I can't help but gasp and think, "How does that even work when you're having sex?"

I mean, when there is THAT MUCH of a height difference between you two, how do you even have sex? How do you initiate a goddamn kiss with someone who is a foot taller than you? Do you have to climb on a stool?

No wonder straight women love their heels so much (which I happen to love as well, but not only because I think they're sexy).

When you're relatively the same size, sex just flows better. Our limbs match up. I can wrap my legs around a girl and they actually fit around her waist.

I've never had to sport stilts to kiss a woman. We just fold into each other perfectly.

7. Your vagina won't get scratched up by a beard.

I'm sorry, but beards are painful AF. All that wiry hair will scratch a girl up in her most delicate parts (I.E.: VAGINA).

However, a woman's lips are soft and so is her skin. So when she's up close and personal with you, venturing downtown, it's just going to feel like soft lushness on your lady bits, compared to needly stubble.

8. Women understand the art of foreplay.

Men get so excited when they're around a naked woman, their erections get the better of them and they just recklessly pounce on a girl, and BAM. The whole thing is over in 10 minutes.

Women, however, like to get warmed up. Women understand that foreplay is essential to sex. You need to pre-heat the oven before you can eat the cupcake, baby.

9. Women can go on forever and ever and ever.

Men cum, and that's it. They're spent. They usually pass out and drool on the pillow.

Women, on the other hand, can have multiple orgasms.

We can cum and cum again. And again. I've lost days to sex. And since sex is my favorite thing to do in this cruel, cold, world -- I'm OK with that.

In fact, I'm more than OK with that. I'm wildly happy about that.

10. Wetness galore.

I won't get into too much detail, but think about it like this: You're wet, she's wet and when that wetness combines, it's really, really wet.

And wetness and sex go beautifully together, don't they, kitten?