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8 Stages Of Breaking Up, As Told By Horror Films

It's that time of year.

The relationships that popped up last season are now past the honeymoon phase. And while many stay together, the summer months have led to more and more girls' nights as they become single again.

Breaking up is hard.

Whether it's due to infidelity, the slow fade of love or the simple realization there is more to life, it is tempting to be distraught.

At some point, your BFF will text you and bring a pint of ice cream over. You will want to watch “The Notebook” or something where Hugh Grant realizes monogamy is cool.

But, we all know that will just make you sadder. Watching beautiful people fall hopelessly into each other's arms is not what you need right now, no matter how much you think you do.

What you need isn't love. It's some good old-fashioned screams.

Yes, this break-up season, fire up the old DVD player and pop in a horror movie. You will be surprised how great you feel as you think to yourself, “Yes, I might be alone, but at least I'm alone without ghosts.”

Plus, you might not know it yet, but scary movies and your breakup have a lot in common.

1. You do the deed.

Stop drafting that text message. You both deserve to have the conversation face-to-face.

It's hard, especially when you take a minute to remember all the good times you have had together, but you have to do it.


2. You keep finding little reminders of them.

You know they're gone, but it all comes rushing back when you find their toothbrush or their socks in your laundry or any other little reminder of them.

Just seeing the item makes you cry. Just be sure not to let it get you down.

No one likes the girl curled up with a Blu-ray copy of “About Time,” sobbing over your ex.


3. Your girlfriends try to take you out.

They know you aren't ready, but you haven't left the house in two weeks. You've started to live like a hoarder, and you need sunlight. It's time to take a shower and go out.

Unfortunately, this may only validate that all men are garbage, and no guy is worse than the club guy. He makes your garbage ex look like Prince Charming.


4. You need a good cry.

Whatever your friends might say, you need time to grieve on your own. This is going to involve some heavy crying. So, grab some tissues.


5. You're getting your groove back.

Then, it's time to restart that sex drive. You need some good old-fashioned fun (safe, sexy fun).

You are beautiful and hot, and you need to take off the cat sweater you have been crying into for two weeks.


6. You realize everyone is gross.

So, you went to bars, you went on apps and you kissed some boys. This is when you realize they're all gross.

Yes, they looked cute holding a bass or resting on a tiger while on vacation. Yes, they seemed nice enough when they talked for 45 minutes about how their true passion was travel, but they are working for a bank right now.

But, you will find out soon they are just looking for sex, they lied about their age or they are really into improv right now. In any case, you will see their true colors sooner or later, and those colors scream fuckboy.


7. You take some “me” time.

Take a breather from love. There are so many other important things to do with your life. There's work, friends and hobbies.

You have some much more to think about. Say “yes” to yourself.


8. You're ready.

Go get 'em, tiger.

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Rosa Escandon

Contributor

sometimes comedian, always a girl from a 90s rom-com, that would definitely be cute if she just removed her glasses.
sometimes comedian, always a girl from a 90s rom-com, that would definitely be cute if she just removed her glasses.

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