Now, I don’t have a Ph.D. in butt stuff. But if we’re being honest here, I’m probably a Ph.D. candidate in butt stuff.
Gen-Y is all about anal these days. It's almost like if you’re not doing anal, you’re obviously not having good sex. ‘Tis the year (century?) of the booty, and we are all hearing the call to go up the backdoor canal and live our best lives.
But we’ve got questions, and we’re too afraid to ask them for fear of being “uncool.” You can't sit with the popular kids if you’re not doing the do-si-do with your rear, so we’re all supposed to be quiet about it and magically turn into anal experts anyway.
We’re all treading lightly and talking a big game. This isn’t some silly trend we’re all trying. It’s anal sex. It’s something that needs to be explained, decoded and demystified.
What are we afraid of? Pain? Getting pooped on? Forever having a loose anus?
Oh, stop. Stop pretending you’re so squeamish. We're talking about going up the butt, aren’t we? I think we left the comfort zone long ago, my friends.
I think it’s time to bring a little light to this whole rump debacle. Y’all need the information, and Auntie Gigi is here to save the day.
Elite Daily took a survey of 35 millennials experienced butt-sex spelunkers. Our goal was to find out what to expect from anal, if it's enjoyable and how to have it safely.
The logistics: We got responses from 35 millennial responders ages 24-35; 45.5 percent of the respondents were male and 54.6 percent female (we like to keep things even because we’re socially conscious like that).
If you've asked yourself about anal, read on, because we're about to delve into an ANALysis of your sex life.
So, how about the first time you took the dirt road home, huh?
Now, when someone asks for a tip about anal sex, my go-to advice is, “LUBE. LOTS AND LOTS OF LUBE! USE A LOT, AND IF IT SEEMS LIKE ENOUGH, USE MORE.”
If there was one interesting thing to note about the first-time experiences of our participants, it was that a surprising number decided to forgo -- or actually forgot to use -- lubricant.
Thirteen respondents said they used lubricant. Another 13 didn't use it at all.
Let's think about this: thirteen people out of 35 said that they used no lube. Six of them said they used spit.
Now, no judgment, but... WTF? I, for one, am freaked out by that. But, hey, it looks like it's not that uncommon!
When asked how he prepared going forward, one male participant had a lengthy and detailed response:
Towel on the bed, shower ready, an additional butt towel just in case, complete nudity (because -- let's face it -- no one wants butt-juice on a fresh new shirt), tons of spit, foreplay with a butt plug and then, the grand finale, the cornholing.
Lube, people! And foreplay!
Eleven people said that they no longer participate in anal sex after trying it once. Which made me wonder: Why?
Anal: The fears and the journey unknown.
Out of the 35 responders, 17 gave anal sex.
Now, I know one of my greatest fears is to poop on someone during anal, and it would appear that everyone else shares my concern. Forty-three percent of givers said getting pooped on is their biggest fear during anal.
Also, pain. Pain is a big one. Forty percent of givers said that hurting someone was their biggest fear. Another 40 percent weren’t particularly nervous about hurting someone during anal sex. These people seem to view anal sex pretty casually (Is it just another hole to them?).
Of the 21 responders who have been on the receiving end of anal sex, 57 percent cited "pain" as their worst fear. In fact, 100 percent of givers listed pain in their top three fears of being penetrated anally.
The concern is certainly not unwarranted. One 21-year-old female responder told Elite Daily:
“Once, my ex-boyfriend and I were having sex in that position where my feet are on his shoulders. Mid-thrust, his dick accidentally slipped out of my vagina and RAMMED itself right in my assh*le. I have never, in my entire 21 years on this earth ,felt so much pain.”
As for the poop factor, only 16.6 percent of receivers listed pooping on a partner as their biggest fear, but pooping came in second overall.
Also, 10 percent were most fearful of bleeding afterwards.
*shudders*
People who have had anal have dealt with a lot of sh*t... literally.
Fifteen of 35 respondents told us a story that had something to do with either farting or pooping.
Think about where you’re putting that D.
“During foreplay, I did fart on my ex's finger!!!” one woman told us.
“I just really didn't like it. It felt like I was pooping backwards," another woman said.
Who deserves the all-access pass?
Elite Daily had to wonder: If we’re (mostly) all down to do butt stuff... who are the partners?
Forty-two percent said they would have anal only with a husband (see: "husband hole"). Sixty percent said they would have anal with a boyfriend.
In a separate question, 30.4 percent of respondents said they would do anal with a "hookup buddy"; 36 percent would have anal with a friend or friend with benefits. And 40 percent said they would have anal with a one-night stand.
Color me impressed.
The anal aftermath.
When all was said and done, 69 percent of anal veterans reported that they enjoy anal sex, and 31 percent were not fans.
When we asked if our participants would try anal sex in the future, 80 percent said they would. And 20 percent said "never again."
