Billie Opened Up About Her Gender Expression & Not Feeling “Feminine”
“I identify as ‘she/her’ and things like that, but I’ve never really felt like a girl.”
When she was writing her Barbie anthem “What Was I Made For?,” Billie Eilish had to contend with what it means to be a woman. The heartfelt ballad, which scores the end of the 2023 blockbuster, is a reflection on the societal pratfalls of girlhood, as Eilish longs to find purpose in a world that doesn’t understand her. That’s something Eilish has been feeling more and more recently, she revealed in a new interview, sharing that she’s struggled with her gender identity.
“I’ve never felt like a woman, to be honest with you,” Eilish said in a Nov. 13 Variety profile. “I’ve never felt desirable. I’ve never felt feminine. I have to convince myself that I’m, like, a pretty girl. I identify as ‘she/her’ and things like that, but I’ve never really felt like a girl.”
The revelation came after Eilish was asked about her personal style. For years, Eilish dressed exclusively in oversized, baggy clothing, a style she still gravitates toward, although she’s switched it up a lot more recently. Eilish contends this choice didn’t have to do with a fear of being sexualized, but because of her own insecurities.
“I wasn’t trying to have people not sexualize me,” Eilish said. “But I didn’t want people to have access to my body, even visually. I wasn’t strong enough and secure enough to show it. If I had shown it at that time, I would have been completely devastated if people had said anything. Maybe my not really caring about being sexualized is because I’ve never felt desired or desirable.”
Eilish went on to detail how her struggles with femininity expand to other areas of her life, like her friendships and relationships.
“I’ve never really felt like I could relate to girls very well,” Eilish said. “I love them so much. I love them as people. I’m attracted to them as people. I’m attracted to them for real. I have deep connections with women in my life, the friends in my life, the family in my life. I’m physically attracted to them. But I’m also so intimidated by them and their beauty and their presence.”
