Your Candy Crush Addiction Is Why This Terrible New Show Exists, So Nice Work

CBS, I just don't understand you as a network at all. All of your shows just... bother me.

"The Big Bang Theory" is full of geeky references so people can trick themselves into thinking they're intelligent, "MacGyver" and "Hawaii Five-O" are reboots no one asked for, and now... this?

CBS executives have greenlit a new series based on the popular mobile game, Candy Crush.

Glen Geller, the president of CBS Entertainment, said,

We are huge fans of Candy Crush and, like so many others, we know the 'rush' of advancing to the next level of the game.

I don't know if I have ever gotten a "rush" from playing Candy Crush, but okay...

In case you don't know the object of the puzzle game, you match candies in a grid according to their color. You earn points for rows of three or more.

Here's what I suspect will be the sneak peek for the series:

While 18 billion rounds of the game are played each month, that doesn't mean we need a TV show about it.

Everyone loves Mario, but do you remember "The Super Mario Bros. Super Show?" It was truly terrible, terrible television.

Apparently, the show itself will be an hour long "live-action game show." Teams of two contestants will use their "wits and physical agility to compete on enormous, interactive game boards featuring next generation technology."

The producer of game shows like "Wipeout" for ABC and "Fear Factor" for NBC, Matt Kunitz, says that it is a "larger-than-life, physical game show."

So, making it a game show makes a little more sense when bringing Candy Crush to television... but it kind of just feels like a game show.

What does this have to do with Candy Crush?

I just picture people kind of playing really lame competitive video games while also trying to perform a less challenging "American Ninja Warrior" obstacle course.

You keep doing you, CBS. You keep doing you.

Citations: Candy Crush Is Going To Be A TV Show, Because Sure (Cosmopolitan)