20 Times Harry Styles Was Simultaneously A Living God And Also A Toddler
Harry Styles just did That™, you guys. THAT. HE DID THAT™.
If you've actually lived under a rock for, like, most of 2017, you might have missed all the buzz about the former One Direction member FINALLY releasing his debut solo single, "Sign of the Times."
Well, time to get your ass out from under that rock because IT'S FINALLY HERE.
Needless to say, every human with a damn pulse and I are freaking out right now. I'm actually writing this from the grave because I'm not alive anymore. Harry Styles, the god himself, murdered me.
But here's a curveball you probably weren't expecting. Yes, Harry Styles is a living god, but not necessarily in a "I would marry you right now" kind of way.
Instead, it's in more of a "that's my son, he did such a good job and I'm so proud of him" kind of way.
This is obviously not meant to dull the shine of Harry's actual mom. That woman is a saint and the true MVP for blessing us all with two majestic unicorn children. (THAT'S RIGHT, I COULD NEVER FORGET THE ACTUAL BEST STYLES, GEMMA.)
Anyway, here are 20 times our beloved Harry Styles was both a walking god and a giant toddler whom we are all very proud of and slightly worried about sometimes:
1. When he dangled above a damn ocean from a string
Of course, Harry gets major badass god points for this stunt. But also, be careful!!! He is just a small child with his whole life ahead of him.
2. When he dangled from a string the first time
How did he get up there? Who lets a small child like that dangle from the ceiling???
3. When he got a fishing hook stuck in his thumb and his butt
He is but a toddler. He knows not yet how to fish.
4. When he sat on top of this trash can
I'm sorry, you can't get much more toddler than this picture. I don't make the rules.
5. When he filmed One Direction's "You and I" music video
IS HE OK? IS HE WARM? SOMEONE GET HIM 20 MORE BLANKETS — HE'S JUST A BOY.
6. When he found out his hat could float in water
Only a small, innocent child would find such joy in the "Little Things." HAHAHA, I hate myself.
7. When he almost drowned and gave us all a heart attack
Christopher Nolan, how could you do this? HE'S JUST A TODDLER. HE'S NOT READY.
8. When he twirled like a ballerina
The prettiest ballerina in the entire universe and also any alternate universes probably.
9. When he made pottery... or whatever that was
He did such a great job.
10. When he literally ruined everyone's iPhones and cameras at concerts
As a god, I bet he could turn that water into wine. As a toddler, he's making a goddamn mess.
11. When he gets his makeup done
Didn't you hear him? He's tired. He probably needs a nap. It isn't easy being a god and a figurative toddler.
12. When he cuddled a teddy bear while he slept
Have you ever seen something so pure?
13. When he diD THIS?
I'm not sure if a laugh can be considered cherubic. All I know is that, if it's possible, Harry's laugh is 1,000 percent cherubic.
14. AND THIS??
Behind those Groucho glasses is a god-like creature whose new single SHOULD have been called "Sign of the Toddler." (I'm just kidding. "Sign of the Times" is a lyrical masterpiece, and you should all download it ASAP.)
15. AND THIS???????
That's the face of an angsty toddler god. I don't know what else to tell you at this point.
16. When he wore this beaded necklace that looks like a kid made it
What's hysterical is that necklace probably costs more than a month's worth of Seamless meals.
17. When he hung out with other toddlers
Doesn't watching this little kid with these even littler kids melt your stone-cold heart?
18. When he hung out with DOG TODDLERS
Just a couple of young creatures basking in their godliness.
19. WHEN HE BROUGHT A REAL-LIFE TODDLER ON STAGE
Birds of a feather flock together. Need I say more?
20. When he laughs that laugh
OK, by "that laugh," I mean literally any time the kid laughs. So soothing. So pure. So... toddler.
Yes, technically Harry Styles is 23 years old, but there's no getting around the idea that he totally could be three actual toddlers standing on each other's shoulders and fooling the whole world.
And remember, Sir Isaac Newton was only 23 when he discovered the laws of gravity, but Harry Styles was only a toddler when he killed us all with his god-like tendencies and his voice.
Congratulations on your new single, Harry. To you, I say, "That's my son, he did such a great job and I'm so proud of him."
