Put Some Respect On Georgina Sparks’ Name
You can tell Jesus that the b*tch is back.
For a show that proudly advertised itself as “a nasty piece of work,” Gossip Girl didn’t have many true villains. Its main characters treaded the line of moral ambiguity, alternating between decent and devious episodically: Serena Van Der Woodsen hooked up with her BFF’s boyfriend and sacrificed her reputation for her brother; Blair Waldorf harassed a teacher and talked Chuck Bass off a ledge; Dan Humphrey saved his little sister and betrayed his friends as Gossip Girl. (Nate Archibald and Chuck are excluded from nuanced analysis for obvious reasons: Nate was too boring for successful treachery, and Chuck was a sexual predator.)
With so much inner turmoil, the show rarely needed to rely on outside villains to spice things up. When they did bring in auxiliary deviants — characters like Juliet Sharpe, Poppy Lifton, and Jack Bass — their one-note motivations (revenge, greed, and greed again, respectively) made them easy to forget. There was one exception: Georgina Sparks, Gossip Girl’s most iconic agent of chaos.
Out of 121 episodes, Georgina appeared in only 28, yet every Gossip Girl fan knows her name. No matter the season, every scene with her was delightfully diabolical — it’s no wonder the 2021 remake decided to bring her character back for a cameo. Even 17 years later, Georgina’s most iconic quote is a trending sound on TikTok, with hundreds of thousands of videos to the sound of Michelle Trachtenberg saying “You can tell Jesus that the b*tch is back.”
Whether she was torturing Serena over kinda-maybe killing that guy (happens to the best of us!) or was pretending that Dan was the father of her baby (because why not?), Georgina perfected the allure of a qualmless villain.
Never plagued by the inconvenience of a conscience, Georgina focused her energy on bringing the drama. Even after her time at Jesus camp in Season 2, she never really reformed. Instead, she — like many villains — used the Bible to justify her personal agenda. “And they shall know I am the Lord, when I shall lay my vengeance on them,” Georgina famously quoted before attempting a sting operation.
Truly, Georgina had too many bad deeds to recount them all, but here are some highlights: She blackmailed Serena with an incriminating sex tape. She roofied Serena so she’d miss the SAT. She became Blair’s New York University roommate solely to f*ck with her. She unceremoniously revealed that Lily and Rufus’ son Scott was, in fact, alive — in the middle of Lily and Rufus’ long-awaited wedding. (This all goes down in Seasons 1 to 3, BTW.)
Later in the show, Georgina got pregnant after entering the Mile High Club, then pretended Dan was the baby’s father. (She faked a paternity test and everything!) She interrupted Blair and Prince Louis’ wedding by playing a recording of Chuck and Blair professing their love earlier that day. Oh, and she took over the Gossip Girl blog, too, for a spell.
It’s not just her wicked ways that propelled Georgina into the hall of infamy. It’s also her dry wit and IDGAF attitude. So many teen soap opera villains are melodramatic and self-righteous. Think: Mona Vanderwaal in Pretty Little Liars or Dan Scott in One Tree Hill. Georgina didn’t fall into that tiresome trope of roll-your-eyes dramatics.
Instead, she evoked playfully fiendish icons like Mean Girls’ Regina George and Cruel Intentions’ Kathryn Merteuil. Rather than taking herself — or her subterfuge — too seriously, Georgina made it fun, blessing fans with unforgettable one-liners. Some of her best (worst?) include:
- “I’m going to get drunk enough to make you seem interesting.”
- “Bless us, Father. I have a feeling we’re about to sin.”
- “Phone stealing? Seriously? That is the training bra of treachery.”
- “I haven’t been this bored since I believed in Jesus.”
Although Georgina’s scheming eventually tempered out into more helpful machinations (like assisting in the takedown of the resurrected Bart Bass and organizing Chuck and Blair’s wedding in Season 6), she never really developed any scruples. Despite the consequences she faced for her misdeeds — Jesus camp, remember? — Georgina remained blissfully unbothered about the difference between right and wrong.
Lest you disagree, please recall when her character returned to the Upper East Side for the show’s remake, broke into Dan and Serena’s home, and kidnapped the new Gossip Girl, Kate Keller. Truly, a plotline only a villain like Georgina could pull off.
For smoky-eyed miscreants everywhere, Georgina’s lack of character development is admirable. And in a TV show full of moral quandaries and characters working to be better, she’s refreshingly comfortable in her corruption — and you know you love her for it. XOXO.
