'Saved By The Bell' EP Says Zack Morris And Kelly Are 'Probably' Divorced

God, 2016 is not happy until it has taken everything we know and love from us.

Just leave us our happy endings, please.

Peter Engel, a "Saved By The Bell" executive producer, sat down with TVLine to discuss what those crazy kids from Bayside High would be up to today.

Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski were always our relationship goals growing up -- even when they eloped in Las Vegas after graduating high school.

When asked if Bayside High's "cutest couple" were still together, Engel said,

Probably not. Well, they'd be married… but not to each other.

I can't say I'm exactly shocked.

I totally thought I was going to marry my high school boyfriend. We were a known couple, together since middle school. While we were probably never the "envy" of the school, we were always together.

That didn't work out, because I'm a big ol' homosexual, but still! At 17, I still thought we would get married!

Engel went on to describe what the other characters would be up to.

He said,

Zack would probably be the host of a game show or talk show, or he'd be managing a hedge fund; Slater would be a high school football coach; Screech would be Bill Gates; Jessie would have just lost to Donald Trump; Lisa would probably be Vera Wang, or a buyer at Neiman Marcus; and Kelly would be married with children and have a cooking show on the Food Network, which [Thiessen] has — and I watch!

I'm not sure how I feel about a lot of these fates. I can't imagine Jesse running and losing to Donald Trump -- she's too relatable.

She had a caffeine pill addiction, for God's sake.

Who can't relate to being SO EXCITED, SO EXCITED SO... SCARED!

So, I guess I will just be crying every time I catch a rerun of "Saved By The Bell?"

Citations: Sorry Class, Saved By The Bell's Zack Morris & Kelly Kapowski Are 'Probably' Divorced! (Perez Hilton)