I Watched The Bridget Jones Films For The First Time & I Love This Diva

The fact that I had never watched the Bridget Jones movies before is a true abomination. You may be wondering what inspired a marathon of all three films, Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001), Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004), and Bridget Jones’s Baby (2016). This Valentine’s Day, a brand new installment is gracing our screens, featuring none other than the person whom I will marry despite him not knowing it yet: Leo Woodall. So, I declared it was absolutely essential to get myself — and you — caught up in time for V-Day.

Here’s a quick recap on our gal Bridget: Miss Jones is 32 years old, which, in her world, means she is the oldest single woman alive. Her mom is desperate to partner her off and introduces Bridget to Mark Darcy (Colin Firth) at their annual holiday party. Mark appears to be a pretentious jack*ss, and they become enemies (hot). Bridget then starts banging her boss, Daniel Cleaver (Hugh Grant), which is the horniest thing ever until he cheats on her. She finds her way back to Mark, who loves her “just the way she is.” The movie is loosely based on Pride and Prejudice — emphasis on “loosely.”

You may be thinking “But Mia, that’s only the first movie! Didn’t you watch all three?” In the Bridget Jones sphere, all films have pretty much the same storyline. Just insert Patrick Dempsey and paternity drama for movie No. 3, and you’ve got it down. However, if you’d like a more in-depth look, here’s a rundown of the horny and unhinged thoughts I had while watching.

1. Bridget Jones is the most relatable rom-com girl ever.

She’s a little bit unhinged. She hosts a large dinner party despite not knowing how to cook. She will attempt to change her entire appearance before one date. She’s constantly making mistakes — like, all the time. In other words, she is all of us.

2. Hugh Grant in these films is genuinely the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.

First off, men in 2025 need to start getting his Movie 1 haircut. Second of all, his rizz is absolutely off the charts and needs to be studied by every future Love Island contestant looking to master the art of banter. I know we’re meant to hate him, but I simply cannot. This photo of him soaking wet in a blue V-neck is my new lock screen.

3. I knew within one second that girl was Moaning Myrtle.

All Harry Potter fans would recognize her high-pitched giggle a mile away. Fun fact: Shirley Henderson was playing Bridget Jones’ bestie and Moaning Myrtle in the Chamber of Secrets within one year of each other! That girl has range. But her voice… does not.

4. Their elevator scene is hotter than the one in Fifty Shades of Grey.

Picture this: Your dreamy boss who you’ve been secretly exchanging dirty messages with sneakily grabs your *ss in a crowded elevator. Take away all the obviously problematic elements, and it’s really freaking hot. I honestly think it’s even hotter than in Fifty Shades, because, in this scenario, they have great conversation, too.

5. Mark Darcy is my type (socially awkward brunette boy).

I know I just aggressively swooned over Hugh Grant’s character, but Mark Darcy is fantastic competition. There’s really nothing sexier to me than a man who acts endearingly uncomfortable in every single interaction (the girls that get it, get it). Not to mention when Bridget freaks out, climbs on top of his house, and accuses him of cheating in Movie 2, he still thinks she’s cute. Where TF is my Colin Firth?

6. Uh-oh. I just remembered that Hugh Grant played the Oompa Loompa in Wonka.

It took me halfway through Movie 2 to remember this detail about his career history, and I’m gonna be honest, it changed things for me. Now all I can picture is his angry little face with bright green hair. I think it’s for the best, though. I needed him to be taken off a pedestal in my mind.

7. Rebecca from Movie 2 should have been in the running.

ICYMI, Bridget thinks her boyfriend Mark is cheating on her with Rebecca, when in reality, Rebecca is crushing on her. Me and my roommate both turned to each other and immediately said: “Yeah, I’d go with Rebecca.” All I’m saying is that maybe Bridget should have explored that.

8. The things I would do to bang McDreamy in a yurt.

We may have lost Hugh Grant in the third film, but we gained a magical addition in the form of Patrick Dempsey. If you’re looking for some juicy masturbation material, I would highly recommend checking out their sex scene in a music festival yurt. It’s what McDreams are made of.

9. Bridget is so lucky that her potential baby daddies are chill AF.

This is just me, but if someone initially informed me that I was the father of her unborn child, then later said, “It’s definitely you! Orrrr this other guy…” I’m not sure I’d be super chill about it. They really do accept our slutty queen exactly as she is.

10. I cannot contain my excitement for a Hugh Grant appearance in the next film.

At the end of Bridget Jones’s Baby, Daniel Cleaver is revealed to be alive, and I have questions: Did he fake his own death? Why did he have a funeral? And will he bang Bridget in the new movie? The trailer reveals Daniel to be a key character up to his old antics, flirtatiously calling Bridget “a very naughty nun.” I’d say that’s extremely promising.

I’ll have to wait until Feb. 14 for all the answers. In the meantime, I will be paying an Etsy witch to manifest more ridiculously horny moments between them. I don’t need a valentine, just Hugh Grant. Preferably in another wet blue V-neck. That’s all.