I Watched Practical Magic For The First Time & Now I Want To Be A Witch

As brat summer comes to a close, society enters an era even closer to my heart: Festive Girl Fall. What occurs in this era, you might ask? I’m infusing my bloodstream with pumpkin spice. I’m purchasing every Thanksgiving-themed throw pillow sold at my local Marshalls. And I’m committed to watching countless classic fall films, from the entire Harry Potter series to Tia and Tamera’s Twitches.

Recently, however, a huge oversight in my Festive Girl Fall protocol was pointed out to me: I’ve never seen the movie Practical Magic. Starring Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock, this 1998 rom-com has the makings of the perfect autumn picture: witches, love spells, hot men, hotter women, and fall outfit inspiration up the wazoo. I knew I needed to correct this mistake ASAP, so I grabbed a fuzzy blanket, poured a mugful of apple cider, and pressed play on what would be a life-altering hour and 44 minutes. Let me tell you: I was sat.

For those who are guilty of my sin, let me provide a little context into the movie. Sally (Sandra Bullock) and Gillian (Nicole Kidman) are witches as well as sisters, living in a society that fears their magic and views them as “other.” Their family is beset with a horrible curse, deeming that any man who falls in love with them will face certain doom. We follow along as the sisters find love, commit accidental murder, commit non-accidental reincarnation, and fall in love all over again. But is the curse ever lifted? We must discuss that, as well as all the other unhinged thoughts and questions that crossed my mind during this mandatory viewing.

1. These women are so hot. Like, SO HOT.

It’s impossible to watch this movie without thinking to yourself every five seconds “Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock can get it.” If you weren’t thinking this, get your pulse checked. Even OG Aunt Maria had my heart racing.

2. POV: Me asking my bestie if we can die at the exact same time.

Of course, my girls and I have discussed growing old together, living next door to each other with our hot husbands and little dogs, being old lady friends forever, et cetera. But after watching this film, I will be forcing my bestie into a blood oath and manifesting that we take our last breath at the same moment. Thank you to Sally and Gilly for this important inspiration.

I need to hang out with other witches while we cackle about spells and then freak out about our ex-BF whom we brought back to life.

3. I lowkey spent this whole movie thinking the aunts were a couple.

I can’t even begin to tell you how bummed I was when I discovered my error. I dare you to re-watch the movie pretending that they are ~together~ and you will see just how slay that could have been. Chic lesbian witches who raise strong women and let them eat chocolate cake for breakfast? To die for.

4. *Saves every outfit to my fall Pinterest board*

Gilly’s tiny sunnies? Sally’s relaxed denim? Every ensemble in this film is an absolute serve. Someone find me a ginger friend and a broom because I need to dress as Sally for Halloween this year.

5. Sally is so Meg from Little Women coded.

It’s giving “Just because my dreams are different than yours doesn’t mean they’re not important.” She just wanted a normal life with Michael and her daughters! OK, I’m crying now.

6. Ummm, did they just forget about the curse? What are they doing falling in love?

Not to be a know-it-all, but why was Sally surprised when Michael died? Love you, queen, but did you just choose to think the curse did not apply to you? If it were me, I would have avoided falling in love at all costs if I knew it would make that person fully pass away. But that’s just one gal’s opinion!

7. I was not expecting this movie to be so steamy.

I mean, the blindfold scene? And Sally making out with the gorgeous cop? I believe the hairs on my arm actually stood straight up when Nicole Kidman seductively whispered “Jimmy Angelov,” over and over again. I would pay an ungodly amount for a Cameo where she repeats my name in that same octave.

8. If I could be anywhere in the world, I would be at Midnight Margaritas.

I understand that I could recreate this in my own home, but that simply wouldn’t be the same. I need to hang out with other witches while we cackle about spells and then freak out about our ex-BF whom we brought back to life. I need to be awoken by the sound of a drink shaker and bond with my aunties. I need Midnight Margaritas more than I need oxygen in my lungs.

Please send my compliments to the chef, because Sally really killed it when crafting that hunk of a man.

9. The Phone Tree ladies are the absolute MVP of the film.

Not to get all sappy on you, but Practical Magic feels like a celebration of strong, smart, witchy women. The Phone Tree crew overcame their differences to show up for one another, and I couldn’t adore them more. In the wise words of Jo March, “I just feel like… women.” (Sorry, I’m already in the Little Women headspace.)

10. I’m Thirsting Over Investigator Gary.

The different colored eyes. The pancake-flipping skills. The star on his badge. Please send my compliments to the chef, because Sally really killed it when crafting that hunk of a man.

11. Hold up. When did they lift the curse?

Maybe I was lost in Investigator Gary’s eyes, but I fear I have no idea how they lifted the curse. I know it happened. I know that they all held hands and something awesome occurred. But I would love more clarity on that entire situation, given that it was the main plot point.

Other than that slight confusion, I’d rate this film a strong 10/10. For anyone going on their own Festive Girl Fall journey, I highly recommend this film. If you’re still on the fence, just remember that you get to watch Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock put hopeless men under their love spells. Now, look who’s sat.