This Dog Found An Enormous Dildo On His Walk And Grew Extremely Attached To It

Once upon a time, there was a chocolate Labrador named Galaxy. Galaxy was on a walk with his dog walkers when he came across a wonderful prize: a dildo as big as an otter.

Galaxy then proceeded to cheerfully carry the dildo around in his mouth for half an hour.

The dog walkers – whose names are Amy and Natalie – thought this state of affairs was so hysterical, they brought the dildo back to Galaxy's home, in order to show his humanoid owner (slash personal janitor), Ami.

Here is how I imagine that conversation played out:

Amy: Hey, we took your dog for a walk, and he carried around this possibly used dildo in his mouth.

Natalie: It was the best motherfucking thing I've ever seen in my life, and one time, I saw a baby deer reunite with his mother.

Apparently, Galaxy's owner thought it was also hilarious, and not – as some would think – very gross that her friends let her dog put a dildo from the ground in his mouth.

At least there's some consolation: This is like the biggest dildo in the world. You'd have to have just given birth in order to actually use this dildo. It's basically the size of a garden gnome.

(By the way, don't get any ideas: I've already submitted “dildo gnomes” to the patent office.)

Ami threw the dildo away. But her husband fished it out of the trash and used it as a trophe in a golf tournament with friends.

Here is how I imagine THAT conversation played out:

Ami's husband: Yo, my dog found this dildo. Let's use it as the trophe for our golf tournament.

Ami's husband's friend: I'll get my gold paint. I keep it in the garage, behind my "fuck it" attitude.

By the way, a quick search on Twitter reveals that the friendship between dogs and dildos is one for the ages:

The lesson here is this: Humans and dogs love big dildos equally.