Throughout the animal kingdom, complex organisms have spent millennia perfecting techniques for attracting virile and fertile mates.
Birds will sing beautiful songs in the spring (all bird songs, by the way, can be translated to: "SEX!! OVER HERE!! FREE SEX!!"), and polar bears will fight their mates in order to prove their strength.
Well, turns out that was all a big waste of time because apparently all you need to do to attract females is pose like Kate Upton in the snow.
One human male discovered this ultimate mate-collecting technique on the dating app Tinder, where he posted a picture of himself posing like Kate Upton on her famous Sports Illustrated cover.
Soon, the matches started pouring in with the force of the elevator-blood-flood from "The Shining."
I believe "the poor man's Kate Upton" is actually Nancy Pelosi.
St. Patty's day and Tinder go together like Edward 40 Hands and Sudden Diarrhea.
He's doing a lot of copy and pasting.
"Yeezus and Cats" sounds like a children's cartoon about a magician and his cat assistants.
Was his message that fantastic? I'll let history decide.
Zach Efron is to Kate Upton as Beetlejuice is to Juice.
DD stands for "Daredevil," right? Ugh, I love that show.
#Catfish.
And now for the most unprompted steak anecdote of all time:
Citations: Dude Is Posing Like Kate Upton On Tinder And Is Getting All The Matches (FAF Mag)
