Pornhub Launched An App That Shows You How Many Calories You Burn During Sex

PORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, now that I have your attention, bored people at work, I will now explain how Pornhub -- the BuzzFeed of dicks in butts -- spent presumably thousands and thousands of dollars to develop an app called BangFit that syncs up to your smartphone to turn sex into exercise.

The vice president of Pornhub reportedly said,

Think of it as the Wii Fit for sex. Now users can shred in bed and enjoy some stimulating sexercise.

Pornhub made this beautiful video to explain the public need for BangFit.

Basically, you "hump along" with a video of the sexual position of your choosing.

The official BangFit website offers classy positions such as Cowgirl Crunches...

The Squat and Thrust...

...as well as my personal favorite, the Cardio-Oh Yes.

Yeah, I think it is safe to say a creative genius was not responsible for coming up with these names.

Now, I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure this is all just a publicity stunt and -- although I haven't actually tried this -- I don't think Pornhub actually expects many users.

Especially since, as it stands, you have to just find a way to strap your phone to your waist on your own. The official BangFit Band is not available yet -- and may never be.

Basically, this is likely a big, porn company troll.

Although, there is an official scoreboard you can try to get onto. All you have to do is have joyless, exhausting, muscle-straining sex with someone for hours and hours until he or she breaks up with you.

But if you do, you'll receive prestigious awards like "You're a Booty Builder" and "You're the Gymnastiest" -- which you may then share on Facebook, if you'd like to lose all your friends.

Citations: Pornhub just launched a fitness app which counts calories burned as you have sex (Metro)