With an estimated 20 million unique visitors per day, Pornhub is one of the largest pornography sites on the Internet. This means it has a perfect view of exactly how debauched and depraved we all are when we think no one is watching.
The higher ups at Pornhub realized their privileged perspective a while ago and started Pornhub Insights, where they analyze all their sensitive data and make colorful infographics about how gross we all are.
Pornhub Insights' most recent infographic is a map of the United States that displays the type of porn people are searching for, state by state.
The results are, to say the least, troubling.
Now, I'd like to make some observations and deductions based on this information.
OK, the abundance of "lesbian" searches makes sense. I mean, searching "lesbian" while looking at porn is like eating popcorn at the movies: It's just what Americans do. If "lesbian" ran for president, our two-party system would collapse, and we'd live in a scissoring paradise of mutual understanding.
But, looking at this, it doesn't take long before you realize what the runners-up to "lesbian" are. Yes, we're now talking about stepmoms and stepsisters.
Finding out tht "stepmom" and "stepsister" are second only to "lesbian" is like finding out the second most popular snack people eat in movie theaters, after popcorn, is GO-GURT.
What's going on, America? What ever happened to searching "blowjob," or "anal" or "real hot 3D minotaurs"? (OK, that last one is probably just me. What can I say? They have four limbs, a tail, and a big horse penis.)
Considering the "stepmom" and "stepsister" results, I can only surmise that the increased divorce rate has had a significant impact on our nation's youth. All these broken families have taken their toll.
So, word of advice, if you're going to get re-married, just make sure your new wife and her daughter stay far away from your weird kid -- especially if he's Alaskan.
That brings up another point! Why is it only people from northern states wanna f*ck their stepsiblings and stepmoms? Is it a cold thing? Do people start wanting to have sex with anyone living in their home who isn't blood-related to them if they spend enough time inside?
Look, this is just what the facts are telling me.
And, before I go, here are two more things:
1. Nebraska, Arkansas, Tennessee and Vermont, I'm calling you out for loving Hentai cartoon porn too much. I see you, tentacle-lovers.
2. There is something so tragic about Rhode Island being the only state that searches "MILF." Get with the times, tiny state, MILFs are over. Now, it's all about "hot woman my dad is married to."
OK, that's all I have to say. If you want more stats like this, check out Pornhub's 2015 Year in Review.
Happy jerking, weirdos!
