It's not that we don't love our moms.
We absolutely adore them and would be screwed without them in our lives.
Like, who else is going to baby us when we're sick and remind us to file our taxes, or schedule doctor's appointments?
And who else's house can we crash every Sunday for a hot, home-cooked meal -- with a car full of friends ready to dig in?
Mom always welcomes you with open arms, even if you have to deal with her crazy antics.
We don't even always mind her drama since it makes for hilarious stories to tell our friends. Sometimes she can even be adorable.
The rest of the time? Mama just has ZERO chill.
These are the things you deal with when your mom is the ultimate drama queen:
1. She shows up at your house unannounced because you missed one phone call. With luggage.
2. She tells you off on Facebook messenger if you post a status with one too many curse words.
Don't even bother reminding her you're an adult. Her response will always be some version of, "I brought you into this world..."
3. You know about every petty crime that happens in your city, because she texts you about every single one.
Especially if you live in a different state. Mom might as well be the local news.
4. She is always, always going to take 18 years in the dressing room.
And then she won't buy anything even though she dragged you there because she "has no clothes" (which is actually a lie, but OK).
5. She is always, always going to be the hold up at the cash register.
She challenges prices, and signs up for rewards cards she doesn't need.
OH, and she asks if the cashier is single because her kid needs to get hitched (as she nods indiscreetly towards you).
It doesn't matter how few items she has in her cart. This will take a lifetime, so charge your phone before you go shopping.
6. Her strength amazingly goes to shit whenever you come home.
And she uses your young age as leverage every time.
7. This is how she responds after asking if you like her (horrendous) outfit and you say, "No":
Don't exactly lie; just start using what I label as "work-around" language.
Tell her, "That look works great for you." Emphasis on the "great." If you stress the "for you" part, she'll still have the meltdown because her BS radar is A1.
Afterwards, just jump to asking where she bought it. She'll start talking about that instead. This works like a charm every time.
8. This is how she looks when she tells you she doesn't like your outfit and you wear it anyway:
Never mind that you two dress from totally different generations. She's always appalled.
9. She also has a meltdown whenever the temperature falls below 65 degrees and you pull up to her house with no jacket.
Sigh.
Just start keeping a light hoodie in your car so whenever you visit you don't have to listen to the "You know it's pneumonia weather" speech.
10. She answers the phone when you call with some dramatic version of "Hello Stranger" -- like you didn't just talk to her the day before.
Don't tell her to check the call log. Your mother is the queen of alternative facts. Just tell her she's right, and you'll start calling more often.
11. And whenever you call her a drama queen, she'll have absolutely none of it.
12. But deep down? She SO knows.
Admit it, though: She isn't just a drama queen when she's tap-dancing on your last nerve. Mom is also a drama queen when it comes to celebrating your accomplishments and defending your honor.
And because of her, the stories you share in your group chat are popping.
