I never thought I'd say this, but here it goes: Let's take a cue from Justin Bieber.
He's made headlines again, but not for the reasons you might think. In a recent interview with radio station KISS 106.5, the Biebs states the reason he's not in a relationship right now is because his heart has been broken, and he's just "trying to let that heal up."
I have to commend Bieber for actually making a mature decision for the first time in his life, which is one that many people have a hard time doing: staying single after a bad breakup.
Many people come out of long relationships feeling like half of themselves just withered away. Because of this, they try to fill the gap by meeting someone else who can replace their withered part. Even though this may help at the moment, it's not good for you.
Suddenly, you have no one texting you goodnight or venting with you about your day. The other side of the bed is a foreign place you won't dare touch.
It's hard being alone, but here's why it's a necessary part of the healing process:
1. Regain Your Youness
In marriage, the common saying is, "two become one." But is that really a good thing?
I don't know about you, but I like who I am now. Sometimes in long relationships, you lose that sense of self. You get one invitation instead of two, you're constantly referred to in pairs and if you show up somewhere alone more than once, the 20 questions come in about why this is happening.
I mean, who even are you without your significant other, right?
I know the answer to that: You're you.
You'll always continue to be you, with or without someone hanging off your hip. The greatest thing about being newly single is you get to rediscover yourself.
You pick up old hobbies you gave up due to "compromise." You finally get that cat you've always wanted, but couldn't because your ex was allergic. You will find yourself reanimating your withering part almost immediately.
It's incredible who you can become without relying on someone else to be you for you.
2. Learning How To Survive Struggle Is A Necessary Part Of Life
Most likely, this will not be the only heartbreak in your life. You may lose a job, or your parents may die; it's all a part of growing older and dealing with the things life throws at us.
Being on your own may suck now, but trust me: You will thank yourself when you pull through this without having to rely on some shady person who only texts you when it's convenient.
Doing things like that gets you into bad habits, and you want to be able to say in any tough situation, "This sucks, but it's all right. I can pull through this."
So close Tinder, put down that wine bottle and go for a nice, brisk walk to reflect on how awesome you are.
3. Figure Out What You Truly Want
Guess what? Now that you're single, you can take some time off to figure out why your last relationship sucked so much.
This is the time to take a look and see what you will need to be truly happy in the next one. If you jump into another relationship without thinking, you may encounter the same pitfalls and anguish again. No one needs that.
Instead, make a list of pros and cons of all your past relationships. Figure out what you can live with and what will absolutely drive you up a wall.
For example, if the central issue in your last relationship was that he or she never took your opinions into consideration, you might consider adding "respectful" to the must-have list.
4. No More Consulting
One of the best feelings when you're newly single is not having to ask your partner about anything.
Oh, you want to try that new Greek place around the corner? Just go!
Fancy an impromptu trip to Spain to visit your old roommate? Just go!
Feeling like Chinese and Netflix for dinner? Just do it!
You can do what you want, when you want. And this will help you get back on track to becoming an independent person again.
