How many times have you uttered a variation of the phrase: "I hate people"? If you don't know what I'm talking about then this would be the perfect time for you to close out of this article.
For everyone else who has yelled "I hate everyone" or "I hate everything" -- well, you've come to the right place.
As much as we don't actually mean these phrases (Or do we?), we can't stop using them. I mean, people annoy us, people piss us off and people let us down.
We lack the patience for dealing with idiots because, honestly, who has time for that?
If you've ever screamed at no one in particular that you hate people, well, look no further because I feel your pain.
1. Elevators are your own personal hell
Is there any place more awkward than an elevator? You're uncomfortably stuck in a tiny, enclosed space with people you don't know.
The worst is when you think you are going to have the entire space to yourself so you frantically push the "door close" button and think you're safe until you see an arm come straight in between the doors.
Damn it -- looks like this won't be a solo ride, and WTF? He's getting off at the second floor?! BS.
2. When people try to sit next to you on public transportation, you give them the death stare
I understand that when there is only one seat open, you're going to want to take it. When there are 10 other available seats, why would a person voluntarily choose to sit next to someone else?
This same concept can be applied to urinals -- men, I know you feel me on that one.
3. You get really excited when people cancel plans with you
You didn't really want to go out anyway, did you? The best part is, you're not the assh*le in this situation because little does the other person know, you couldn't care less if you went through with these plans or not.
4. You don't mind inclement weather because it gives you an excuse to stay in
While other people may get annoyed when it's raining or snowing, you are secretly celebrating because it's another night you get to spend cuddled up in your bed watching Netflix.
Call your best friend (because, honestly, you can only tolerate one person), invite her over and let the television and Seamless marathon commence.
5. You get pissed when people call you when they could be texting you
Who wants to talk on the phone? I highly doubt anyone wants my raspy voice in their ear. Also, isn't texting just more courteous?
You don't know what the other person is doing, so it's best not to disrupt with a call. Shoot over a text and let that person respond at his or her convenience. Sure, it may not be as efficient, but it's better than the alternative.
6. Voicemails make you want to f*cking scream
Why do people other than my Grandma (Sorry, Grandma, you know I love you.) still leave voicemails? Isn't this what e-mail was invented for?
Do you really expect me to remember the phone number or information you just left on my voicemail? Text it or e-mail it, so it can be referred to if necessary.
7. As soon as you meet someone, you only think of the cons
When you dislike people, meeting new people seems like a drag. This is especially true in the dating sense. Instead of trying to see the glass half full, you think of all the negatives these people you're meeting are displaying -- even if it's out of their control.
They're too short or too tall; he has bad teeth or she has an annoying voice -- the list goes on and on.
8. Group texts will be the death of you
There's nothing more annoying than trying to sleep while your phone won't STFU. There should be an expiration date on group texts -- as in, once you finally figure out your weekend trip, it disappears.
Trying to get work done is nearly impossible when your phone won't stop buzzing.
9. You think Netflix > people
Do I go out or stay in? Is that really a question? You never regret a night spent binge watching your favorite television show. Who knows what kind of trouble you can get into when you're running around blacked out.
10. You want to punch people who stop at yellow lights
Yellow doesn't mean slow down or stop; it means hurry the f*ck up and make the light. You know what means stop? A red light.
11. When people sneeze, it pisses you off
One sneeze is fine, but anymore than that is just rude. I mean, c'mon, get your sh*t together; ain't nobody got time to say bless you four times in a row. Also, let's try and keep the volume to a minimum.
12. When someone is clearly sick on the subway and standing near you
It's called personal space and cover your damn mouth! The worst is when you watch someone cough into their hand and then grab the pole. Sh*t like that makes you never want to take the subway ever again.
13. You don't understand how someone just takes your laundry out to put theirs in
Have some common courtesy and at least wait for the cycle to finish. I understand if the laundry is done; then it's my own fault for not removing it, but come on... in the middle of the spin cycle?
14. You ask for a different table at a restaurant if it's too close to someone else's table
If I wanted to dine with strangers, I'd go to a communal restaurant. If you can hear the conversations between the people next to you, then the table is too damn close.
It's really awkward when someone at either table has to get up and his or her ass grazes your appetizer.
15. You and your best friend spend ample amounts of time discussing how much you hate everyone
The best of friendships are built over the mutual hatred of things. It's only natural to want to bond with people with whom you can relate to on most things, so this just happens to make perfect sense, right? Right.
16. You hate kids
While many people you know think kids are adorable, you know much, much better. Crying children in public make you want to scream, and when you see a toddler about to board your airplane, you pray to yourself that that baby is sitting as far away from you as possible.
17. People tell you that you don't have any feelings
And you wouldn't have it any other way!
18. Slow walkers make you want to rip your hair out
Come on, people, we got places to go and people (just kidding) to see. People who walk aimlessly piss you off on the reg because you really don't understand how they just walk without a destination in mind.
19. You don't understand how people have loud conversations on the phone in public places
Let's have some respect. Not everyone -- actually, no one -- wants to hear you fighting with your boyfriend. Take that sh*t to a private place where you don't have to pollute the world with your incessant banter.
20. You are voluntarily single
You really can't see yourself tolerating anyone for an extended period of time. Hmm, maybe this is why I seem to be an undateable girl.
21. Smelly food in the office is a no-no
Good for you that you brought your lunch in. No, seriously, I wish I could cook. But let's try and take into account the fact that you aren't the only one in the office and no one wants to smell your tuna sandwich.
22. You think Thanksgiving is the worst holiday
Thanksgiving is supposed to be family time, where you look around and discuss what you are thankful for, but honestly, this holiday just serves as a recipe for drama. Large gatherings of this nature have a 50-50 chance of being successful and because of that, the only thing I will be thankful for is when I'm home in bed, eating leftovers.
23. You ask yourself how people can be so stupid at least three times per day
No seriously, how dumb can people be at menial tasks? You probably think this to yourself twice at the office and once at some point after work.
24. You mask your real feelings with sarcasm constantly
If you actually told people how you really feel, they would probably never speak to you again -- ergo why sarcasm was invented.
25. You question the parenting skills of people who cough without covering their mouths or who lick their fingers
Do people not realize how unsanitary these things are? Even if you aren't sick, you should still be covering your mouth when you cough.
Also, there's this nifty little invention called a napkin which basically serves the same purpose as licking your fingers while eating.
26. You have absolutely no patience for anything
It doesn't matter what the task at hand is, you have absolutely no patience. This is terrible because having a little bit of patience goes a long way, but no matter how hard you try, it just never happens.
27. Sales people piss you the F off
Listen, I totally get it -- it's your job and you're just trying to be helpful (because it's your job), but I really don't need help trying to find a clothing item.
I've been doing this sh*t for years. If I need help, I'll ask. Oh, and to you perfume sales people, when you line up in department stores trying to attack every patron, you are basically defeating the purpose of trying on perfume -- think about it.
