You have more bruises than you can count, your family is constantly concerned for your well-being and you've never walked a sidewalk you haven't managed to trip on at some point or another. This is your life, and has been for as long as you can remember.
You were that kid in gym class back in the day who caught basketball rebounds with her face -- which just got you a lovely get-out-of-gym card for life. Your life is a constant struggle with gravity, and it's a battle you will always, without fail, lose.
You have grown to embrace your clumsy tendencies, but unfortunately not everyone around you has the patience for the BS you have grown so accustomed to.
So it's time to shed a little light on your clumsiness to all those people who think you have some sort of control over your center of gravity.
What's it like to live a life where you are constantly tripping over your own two feet?
1. People think you are in somewhat of an abusive relationship
The truth is you are, but it's with yourself.
2. You aren't even fazed when you trip on the sidewalk
This happens to you every single time you step outside. It's become more a staple in your daily routine than a hiccup in your day.
3. You haven't been allowed to eat in anyone's car since you were 12
Eating McDonald's in the back of your parents' car was the highlight of your life as a kid. Chances are you haven't been able to do anything of the sort since then.
4. You have punched yourself in the face... today
Just add that bruise to the list.
5. Your friends never let you borrow their clothes
You have ruined far too many items ever to have those privileges again.
6. You don't wear white... ever
You have yet to eat something that hasn't ended up smeared across your blouse.
7. No one ever lets you use the steak knife
Because whenever you do, you end up in the emergency room.
8. You are back to a flip phone since you can't afford any more iPhones
You're one of those special kinds of people who broke their iPhone 6 the week it came out.
9. You have fallen up the stairs
And can't wrap your head around why anyone thinks that's weird...
10. Your elbows are a crime scene
You can never walk through a doorway without banging your elbows on the frame.
11. Your roommates sleep with earplugs
There's a ton of things your roommates would never judge you for, your clumsiness is not one of them.
12. You destroy any place setting when you go out to eat
You know those little devices the waiter uses to scrap bread crumbs off the table? The invention was actually inspired by you.
13. You have literally gotten into fights your with your SO because of the amount of things you knock over
Don't you think if we could prevent this, we would?
14. Everything you touch breaks
It doesn't matter how big or how small the object is, as soon as you graze it with your fingertips -- it's broken.
15. Every time you drive, you end up calling Triple A
You have had more flat tires than you can count and, honestly, you don't even want to know how many you've gotten.
16. You don't even try dancing at weddings
You don't want to ruin anyone's night with your accident-prone dance moves.
17. Without fail, you will always smudge your manicure within five minutes
You should just give up all together because this happens every single time.
18. You get breathalyzed for wearing heels when you're sober
Everyone on the street thinks you're hopelessly intoxicated regardless of the fact that you are actually dead sober. But shocker, you can't manage to walk in high heels if your life depended on it.
19. Even when it's summer, there may as well be black ice on the sidewalk
You have absolutely no center of gravity.
20. You measure a good day by whether or not you bled
Is it pathetic that it's come to this?
21. You wake up every morning with unaccountable bruises
You should start a game show titled: Where Did This Bruise Come From?
22. You have broken every single one of your fingers... twice
And your toes...
23. You should have a punch card at the hospital
Take four trips, get your fifth visit free.
24. You are the inspiration for the "dropping phone on your face" meme and GIF
This is you every single morning.
25. The soap is not the only thing you drop in the shower
You knock every single thing over every time you take a shower. Maybe this is your excuse for not showering?
26. You have walked into the same sliding glass door in the same house on the same day... sober
Just lie down, it's safer this way.
27. You always manage to start a fire in the kitchen
Who knew you couldn't put a pizza box in the stove?
28. You eat out of your cleavage
And convince yourself it's just more convenient that way...
29. Your friends follow you around their house to prevent you from breaking things
You can't be trusted in a foreign place.
30. You don't play catch, you play drop
No one has ever tried throwing you anything because whenever you do, it ends up broken on the floor.
31. While most girls would love to go ice skating with their boyfriends, you couldn't be paid to do that
He knows how clumsy you are, why does he even want to go in the first place?
32. You have gotten at least three MRIs this year alone
This is exactly why you need that hospital punch card.
33. Neither of your two front teeth are real
They haven't been since you fell down that staircase years ago.
34. You don't dance on elevated surfaces... ever
How do strippers do it?!
35. Whenever something breaks in your house, your parents always blame you
The computer was always your downplay. And they never believed you when it wasn't your doing.
36. Whenever your family had spaghetti and sauce for dinner, your dad would make you change into your pajamas to avoid ruining your outfit
Every f*cking time.
37. You always put your heels on after you've already made it down the stairs
You can't even walk in heels on solid ground, let alone a staircase.
