21 Ways To Determine Whether You Are An Alcoholic Or Just A Casual Drunk
They say it's only alcoholism if it transcends the college years, or at least that's what I told my dad and grandmother every time they would lecture me when I came home for holidays with a massive hangover. "Don't worry, this will only last four years, then I will be a productive member of society."
Yeah, okay. The only thing I've become is a more "sophisticated" drinker who spends her afternoons at happy hour while simultaneously trying to fit in a workout.
But I've got a job and I pay my bills on time, so sue me if I enjoy drowning my sorrows in tequila during the week. Does that make me an alcoholic (like my family thinks I am) or just a casual drunk (like my friends think I am)?
I honestly can't even answer that question because I'm apparently living in denial, thinking this is an acceptable way to go about life. Today we're going to delve into this debate between an alcoholic and a casual drinker because I can't be the only one who has to defend my actions over Thanksgiving dinner.
1. If you go out every weekend, you're a casual drunk; if you go out every weeknight, you're an alcoholic.
2. If you have a glass of wine before bed, you're a casual drunk; if you wake up hungover and puking, you're an alcoholic.
3. If you have a drink before a first date, you're a casual drunk; if you have enough to black out, you're an alcoholic.
4. If you buy a bottle of wine per week, you're a casual drunk; if your liquor bill costs more than your grocery bill, you're an alcoholic.
5. If you get in a drunk fight with your boyfriend, you're a casual drunk; if your boyfriend of two years dumps you and never wants to speak to you again because of your actions while intoxicated, you're an alcoholic (especially when you don't even remember them).
6. If you use soda to chase your vodka, you're a casual drunk; if you use vodka to chase your soda, you're an alcoholic.
7. If you black out one night, you're a casual drunk; if you don't remember your entire summer, you're an alcoholic.
8. If you have a drunk one-night stand, you're a casual drunk; if you've been wasted every time you've hooked up with a guy, you're an alcoholic.
9. If you've gotten in a drunk fight with a friend, you're a casual drunk; if you've lost entire friendships over a bottle of whiskey, you're an alcoholic.
10. If you show up to family brunch noticeably hungover, you're a casual drunk; if your family won't ever have brunch with you again because of your actions at last month's brunch, you're an alcoholic.
11. If you've ordered food after a night out, you're a casual drunk; if you fall asleep before your delivery arrives, you're an alcoholic.
12. If you have one scar from a drunken stumble, you're a casual drunk; if you now base your shoe purchases on whether or not you will be able to walk home in them while drunk, you're an alcoholic.
13. If the morning after you drink, you gag at the sight of vodka, you're a casual drunk; if you pour yourself another glass, you're an alcoholic.
14. If you think you smell like alcohol the morning after, you're a casual drunk; if the Starbucks barista tells you that you reek of alcohol, you're an alcoholic.
15. If you have to defend your actions to one person the following day, you're a casual drunk; if none of your friends are speaking to you, you're an alcoholic.
16. If you got so drunk that you let people take body shots off you, you're a casual drunk; if you got so wasted that you got naked, flashed 3,000 people in Mexico and won the wet T-shirt contest without recollection, you're an alcoholic.
17. If a good chunk of your diet is alcohol, you're a casual drunk; if the orange juice in a tequila sunrise is your only fruit intake, you're an alcoholic.
18. If you make out with someone in public, you're a casual drunk; if you can't remember if you brought that person home at the end of the night, you're an alcoholic.
19. If you post an Instagram every time you go out, you're a casual drunk; if you rarely Instagram and post four pictures in a row in one night, you're an alcoholic.
20. If you have a glass of wine on a flight, you're a casual drunk; if you black out on the flight and have no idea where you've landed, you're an alcoholic.
21. If your friend posts pictures of you drinking on Facebook, you're a casual drunk; if you don't remember every single tagged photo of you, you're an alcoholic.
