4 Things To Know Before Moving In With Roommates Of The Opposite Sex
Congratulations, you've become mature enough to explore living situations outside the traditional comfort zone of your own sex.
Many people may not like the idea of living with the opposite sex for a variety of reasons, but I'm here to tell you it can come with a lot of benefits.
But, it's a team effort to keep things not only civil, but enjoyable for all parties.
Here's your breakdown of some of the hot topics of roommate life for each sex:
1. Bathroom Etiquette
This is a huge factor in learning to live together because it's where the gross stuff goes down.
The human body and its processes are disgusting.
I don't care what genitals you're rocking; do more than is expected of you when sharing a bathroom with someone of the opposite sex.
For The Ladies
This is a guy's mecca. This is where we come to think.
For starters, keep your infinite makeup collection consolidated. Every time I use my bathroom at home, it looks like a Bioré bomb went off all over the sink.
Quit worrying about us putting the seat down and start worrying about where you're going to live next when the hair straightener you forgot to turn off for the third day in a row burns the damn house to the ground.
As far as the toilet goes, we know you poop.
We found out a long time ago, actually. The jig is up.
Just throw the fan on, wave me off for five minutes and let's carry on with our day.
Finally, we can already tell when you're on your period by how pleasant you are to be around. I don't need any other reminders left casually on the top of the trash can, unexposed.
If this happens, I'm going to insist on taking you to the emergency room.
Now, go call your mother. She misses you.
For The Gentlemen
Just do your best.
Think of yourself as a killer leaving the scene of a crime. Try to leave as little evidence of yourself behind as possible.
This pertains to shaving (both upstairs and downstairs), toothpaste spray on the mirror, your misfire all over the ground around the toilet and any number of unpleasant smells.
Also, keep the puking contained whenever possible.
I know women do this just as much as guys in some cases, but I’m putting the blame on us most of the time for not cleaning up after a rough night out.
If you ever want to go above and beyond, bleach and scrub the shower or tub and let her know you did it.
She will look at you like your head is on fire, and you might even be in for a hug.
2. Emotional Differences
In case you haven't noticed yet, men and women have very different emotional patterns.
It’s important to know when it’s okay to engage with one another and when it’s not. Catch someone at the wrong time or on a bad day, and you could get your head ripped off.
You’re roommates, not necessarily BFFs.
So, give him or her some time alone in his or her room, send a supportive text and don’t hold any grudges when the dust settles.
We’re all on the same team here, and nothing should be taken to heart in the heat of the moment.
For The Ladies
Men you aren't dating don't know how to console you when you're upset or crying.
In fact, it's often cringe-worthy to even consider for us.
I don’t even know where to start.
Most of the time, I'll just ask my female roommates if they lost weight or compliment the shoes they're wearing when they’re upset, which is then followed by a swift door slam to the face.
Bad timing, I guess.
Cut us some slack. We’re just trying to alleviate your pain and ease your suffering.
But whatever the case, try not to let it linger forever, or you’ll start getting avoided altogether.
Now, buck up and invite some of your girlfriends over for us to meet.
For The Gentlemen
We inherently tend to treat women we aren’t pursuing (or don’t intend on pursuing) like one of the guys. Most of the time, this works just fine.
But sometimes, you can come off as an assh*le without even realizing it, especially if you get too comfortable with one another.
Women don’t casually trade jabs all the time like guys.
Keep it light, funny and avoid pissing them off for the wrong reason.
Especially avoid drunken arguments, when you really let them have it for something you wouldn’t normally bring up when you’re sober.
Pick your battles over the little things.
3. Responsibilities Around The House
Again, we’re all in this together.
We’ve got to get sh*t done to keep this roof over our heads.
Get proactive about either delegating specific responsibilities for each person to handle, or hold each other accountable to always clean up after yourselves.
For The Ladies
Chivalry is dead (when living with men you don’t date, especially).
You aren’t a 1950s housewife, and we don’t expect you to clean the whole house. But, you have to do your part.
If you’re lucky, like in my house, the guys handle the trash, utility bills and rent.
Run the dishwasher once a week out of the goodness of your heart, and you may be the new house MVP.
(Scratch that. Bring single women over on the weekends, and you can do whatever the hell you want.)
For The Gentlemen
Take over paying the bills and handling the trash.
They may take the hint and handle most of the kitchen work, if they see you busting your ass to do your part on those things.
Don’t take it for granted, though. Schmooze them when you see them being proactive.
4. Hooking Up
Uh oh.
You did, or are thinking about doing, what you promised yourself you wouldn't do prior to moving in.
You're going to bang your roommate.
You knew it was a possibility from day one when he or she moved in, but now the time has come to put your money where your mouth is.
This goes without saying, but proceed with caution. You’re dealing with more than a hookup here.
You live together, and that comes with a lot of additional baggage.
For The Ladies
Chances are, your guy roommate has been fantasizing about this since the day you moved in.
He’s played it out a thousand times in his head already, even if it was never going to happen.
He’s thought about the consequences of the action, but he's focused way more about the positives.
So, don’t rely on him whatsoever to be prepared for the fallout that could come after the fact.
He probably thinks of it as a pretty sweet perk to living with you, so if you ever intended on it being more than that, you need to let that be known up front.
Otherwise, don’t go through with it.
But, if you’re into some extremely convenient extracurricular roomie bonding, at least your own bed is only about 20 feet away.
There's no trekking through the elements with heels in hand to get home.
For The Gentlemen
"I can’t get over how awesome this is."
"But, she still kind of owes me rent for this month. Should I mention that now, or the next time we do it?"
"Will we do it again? Will she flip out if I bring home another woman? What if she tries to come in my room and cuddle tomorrow? Sh*t.”
Unless you have a completely mutual understanding of what you both intend to get out of this "sextuation," you better think long and hard about it.
