The Snooze Button Is The Perfect Metaphor For Your Commitment Issues

Each morning, as the sun begins to slip through the cracks of my hideous chocolate brown curtains, I am harshly woken by the horrendous sound of my iPhone’s wretched alarm.

You know the sound. It’s the classic iPhone alarm ring that gives you anxiety every time someone’s phone rings.

WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT F*CKING SOUND OF ALL SOUNDS AS A RINGTONE, ASSH*LE?

Anyway, the alarm goes off, and I try to open my eyes. I know I have to get up. It’s time to get up.

It’s 7:15 am, and I have places to be. I know this. I am well aware I have a job, and I have responsibilities I need to tend to today.

Yet, without fail, I reach over to my cell phone as it simultaneously vibrates and rings, and I hit the snooze button.

This little dance goes on for about 45 minutes. Every five minutes, the alarm goes off again, and each time it does, I hit the snooze button.

The snooze button: The easy fix for all things annoying.

It ends the alarm for a short period. It isn’t permanent. The alarm will go off again. It’s just like putting a Band-Aid over the gaping wound that is your morning routine.

The snooze button is actually a very depressing, very spot-on metaphor for my commitment issues and every other commitment-phobic person’s relationship issues.

You go to bed. You tell yourself tomorrow is going to be a killer day. You’re finally going to get your sh*t together and act like a real adult.

You set an alarm because you’ve made a commitment to a goal. You are going to get up and be somewhere on time… but you can’t do it. Instead, you keep hitting the snooze button, attempting to push off the inevitable.

It’s the exact way you act in relationships: always setting lofty objectives and then completely f*cking it up because you suck at seeing anything through.

You mean well, but you’d rather lie in bed for five more minutes than face the world outside.

If you don’t hit snooze, it means facing your issues.

You know any relationship problem you have is not going away, but if you ignore it, you won’t have to deal with it right away. If you get up and face it, it’s scary.

It’s a lot easier to just avoid things. Just like with that dreaded shower and long commute to work, if you hit the snooze button, you don’t have to be bothered with it for another five minutes.

You always end up giving up when things get too messy.

In relationships, you tend to throw in the towel whenever things get too complicated. Who has time for feelings? You have very little patience for inconvenience.

It’s the same with your mornings. You know getting out of bed will have to happen eventually, but it sounds so hard. You’d rather just go to sleep than deal with anything stressful.

You just don’t give enough of a f*ck about anything to make anything stick. You want love, but you don’t want to work for it.

Mornings are hard. Relationships are hard. You’d rather hit snooze and just… not.

You never want to open your eyes.

You are unwilling to put your heart into anything, so you can’t open your eyes to new possibilities. You end up trapped inside of a box because you’re too terrified to break free. You don’t want to get hurt, so you don’t take risks.

It’s just like on those sleepy, early mornings: You do not want to open your eyes and see the harsh reality of the day. You get anxiety wondering if this is going to be a bad day.

You’re never really starting anything because you’re constantly delaying things.

When it comes to love, you go in with good intentions, but then you end up ruining it because you put off making any kind of real commitment. You cancel plans; you shy away from labels, and you just sort of flounder.

All of your relationships end up fizzling because you can never muster the energy needed to make them thrive.

You press the snooze button, delay the sh*t you need to get finished, and nothing ever really gets completed.

You always think something better will happen in five more minutes.

You never lock anything down because you’re always waiting for the next best thing. If you commit, you’re afraid you’re settling.

What if you embrace the cuff, and then something better comes along, and you miss it? Just like with your alarm, you just have to wait five more minutes because the best is yet to come.

You’re never fully single, but you’re never fully taken.

You have relationship ADD. You are always talking to a few people at once.

You’re definitely not taken, but you’re not really single either. You always have a few things going on, but you always get to do whatever you want.

When you are torn from slumber by your alarm, you don’t fully fall back to sleep when you hit the snooze button. You just lull there in bed, half asleep, half awake. Always a little bit of both but never fully invested in either.

When you finally summon the ambition to move, you’re already behind.

In the rare case you actually do decide you want to pursue something, you’re already behind in the game because you jacked around for so long.

You’ve spent so much time being lazy and apathetic that you don’t even know how to function properly in a relationship.

When you keep pressing the snooze button, you’re getting instant gratification, but you’re f*cking yourself in the long run.

When you set things back, you’re setting yourself up for failure.

You’re now going to be late to work, which will put you behind and mess up your entire day. You’re already on the wrong track from the very start.