To The People Who Still Feel The Need To Be In A Facebook Relationship: Stop

Dear desperate attention seeker:

I just have one question for you: WHY?! Why do you think you need to alert the world with one little status that you are in a relationship with another hyperlinked person? Is there nothing sacred anymore?

Do you really need to validate your relationship with this little insignificant setting? How obnoxious do you need to be before you realize that your relationship is better maintained off-line?

I totally understand if you are engaged or married, but anything other than that is just plain unnecessary. Do you really need people to "like" this status? Does that make you feel better about having a boyfriend or girlfriend?

How would you feel if no one liked it? Would you sit there and obsess over the photo you chose, text your friends angrily or question whether the relationship is worth it if no one really supports it?

If your priorities lie with other people having knowledge of your current relationship status, you need a harsh dose of reality. What happens when you break up? How are you going to feel about the fact that people can comment and "like" that?

What does it all mean? Why did my best friend "like" the fact that I'm going through a breakup? Does this mean she hated my boyfriend? What the f*cking f*ck? Why is his best friend liking the breakup? Does that mean he only pretended to like me?

See all the problems you create for yourself by doing this? Sure, you want to be optimistic and think you and your beau will never break up, but typically the people getting into these Facebook relationships are in college and, let's be serious, what are the chances that will last? Yup, I know — you're welcome.

News flash: This isn't 2010. You are not in college anymore and no one is checking your Facebook to see if you're available to hook up at the next frat party.

And, seriously, even if you are in college and have a relationship status for all the world to see, do you really think this would stop horny college boys? Yeah, exactly.

I know you think it's best to post your status out there for every third-degree connection and random "friend" to see, but no one really gives an actual f*ck.

And if they were your real friends, wouldn't they already know the status of your relationship without Facebook having to inform them? So, basically, you are putting this up for people who aren't close enough to you to know you're in a relationship...

How the f*ck does that make any sense whatsoever? I bet you're feeling pretty stupid now, aren't you? Maybe you should spend less time focusing on what your relationship looks like to the outside world and spend your time focusing on your partner... just a suggestion...

And if these aforementioned reasons were not persuasive enough, and you still need more reasons to understand why you shouldn't be getting into a Facebook relationship, check out this video:

You're welcome, Ashley