New York's Medical Marijuana Dispensaries Are (Sort Of) Open For Business

Breaking: New York may be catching up to California when it comes to being cool.

Eight medical marijuana dispensaries opened their doors in the Empire State on Thursday, thanks to a law passed by Governor Andrew Cuomo in 2014. New York joins 22 other herb-friendly states including Montana, Colorado and Oregon.

This also signifies New Yorkers officially climbing on board the common sense train by providing the seriously ill with legal access to their medicine.

But not so fast. If you're looking to stock up on bud for "Kung Fu Panda 3," think again.

Eight dispensaries sounds like plenty until you consider how many people live in New York. There are a lot -- like, 8.4 million in NYC alone a lot. I have a hard enough time getting a decent avocado in New York.

The prescriptions will also be difficult to obtain. None of this "I think I have restless leg syndrome" or "I have trouble taking naps" business will fly.

The State of New York requires you to prove you have one of the following conditions to qualify: severe nausea; cachexia or wasting syndrome; seizures; severe or persistent muscle spasms; severe or chronic pain.

Basically, you'll have to barf and seize in the doctor's office if you hope to get anywhere.

It won't be easy for physicians, either. Doctors looking to prescribe the drug will have to complete the state's four-hour, $249 online course and face a lengthy registration process. If these measures sound excessive, that's because they are.

Eventually, state legislators will come around to the fact that not a single person has died from a weed overdose. Contrary to the experience of consuming edibles, it's physically impossible. I Googled it.

Citations: New York's medical pot dispensaries are open, hope you don't plan on using one (Death and Taxes)