While dating apps have made finding that special someone easier and more accessible than ever, it still feels pretty impossible for most of us from time to time. I'm a straight cisgender woman, so I can only speak from my own experience, but before I got into my first relationship at 23 years old, I constantly found myself wondering why it was so incredibly hard to find someone who actually wanted something real. And apparently, I'm not the only one who faced this issue. A recent Reddit AskWomen thread prompted queer women to reveal where they go to meet women, because, well, meeting people is hard!
While looking for love for anyone in this generation can prove to be difficult, women responding to the thread revealed looking for love with a woman as a queer or bisexual person comes with some of its own unique challenges.
"I tried to use apps, to no avail," wrote mysecretoutlet. "Don’t have many friends who are active in the LGBT community to go for nights out/specific bisexual social events etc. I have no sense of ‘gaydar’ and everyone I find attractive tends to not be into girls as far as I’m aware. Currently in a relationship with a guy anyway."
"I’m not in a relationship with anyone atm," added Throwaway899365. "But guys are easier for me because it’s easy to assume most guys that talk to me want a date. Women on the other hand are harder to read."
Other users found a sense of solidarity in the fact that there were other women out there who shared their struggle. "It’s definitely nice to know (gay or bi) other women are having a hard time meeting other quality, genuine women to date," sben11 wrote.
Well, ladies, luckily there were other women on the thread who had plenty of great tips for queer women looking to find the one. Read along and take note.
I used to use Tinder/OKC, but I met a lot more interesting people through Meetup. It was a lot more meaningful to find people with similar interests who also happened to be gay.
That, and I joined a sport that happened to have a high prevalence of LGBT+ women. Never met so many wlw in my life
I live in a very liberal city where small town kids come to "discover themselves". It ain't hard to find a lil mama.
— bunnixie
I socialize in groups that share similar interests to me and make friends with other girls. If I discover they're also interested in girls, I begin testing the waters to get closer!
I've never had any luck with dating sites or lesbian groups. Thankfully, the more organic approach has worked out well for me! I've got a girlfriend and zero regrets.
I hang out in gay-friendly and female-dominated communities on my university campus. I don't usually find the girls I actually like there, but that's where I build my social circle which extends to women I am interested in. I also dress really 'gay' and hang out in coffee shops and strike up conversation where appropriate. 95% of the time, it's just a quick chat about nothing important, but every once and a while we turn into friends or have a shared community. I also frequent small creators' markets in my city, and I have bought way too much homemade jam and candles in an effort to make cute craft girls like me.
I'm pretty much in the middle between extroverted and introverted, but more importantly I have done away with my fear of talking to strangers. It helps a lot.
Not helpful at all, but art school. Art school is packed with WLW.
When I was single I always met girls I would see on facebook. Usually a friend of a friend or something, I’d see a cute girl and just send her a quick message introducing myself. I actually met a lot of my platonic friends that way too.
I tried lots of apps (Tinder, Her, OkCupid) and went on a few good dates from those but I actually met my partner through mutual friends! Mutual friends who are straight, who did not consciously set us up, and at a Superbowl party despite neither of us watching/liking sports. I hated when people told me this, but sometimes you just have to be patient and it happens!
I recently tried the app ‘meetup’ and it’s pretty cool. Not lgbt specific, but it can find meetup groups with that as the theme in areas near you.
The premise is hosts create a group for just about anything and post planned events in your local area. You can search by groups or interests, like lgbt or rock climbing, and it will tell you the details of when and where the meetup is and you can see how many other ppl rsvp’d the same event. You can put a pic on your profile and see the pics of other ppl going to kinda scope the event as well.
It’s great bc you can also search by ‘this week’, ‘this weekend’, ‘next week’, ‘next weekend’ and quickly find a new event as the mood strikes you 👍
Tinder and lesbian happy hours/bar events
There's a great instagram account called personals and it's for LBTQIA folks. I've tried apps with some success, but I met my current girlfriend with a personal ad on instagram!
OK, so Meetup, Tinder and mutual friends are all good options. Got it.
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