Relationships
10 Red Flags That You're Staying In Your Relationship Because It's Convenient
by Candice Jalili
When it comes to staying in a relationship, there is one reason and one reason only for doing so: you love the person. But, unfortunately, breaking up is easier said than done and sometimes people hold off on leaving a relationship they're no longer wholeheartedly invested in. If you're worried you're staying in your relationship out of convenience, cross reference with the advice of the ladies in this Reddit AskWomen and see for yourself.
You're only with them because you're afraid of being lonely.
If all the reasons you want to stay with them revolve around not being alone, worries about dating other people etc, rather than actual qualities they possess.
You love your life with them more than you love them.
For me it was realising I felt strongly about our life, not him alone.
I loved our morning routines, I loved our family. I dreaded listening to him speak on his passions. I didn't strive for his opinions or thoughts on anything in my life. I found him so handsome.. when his hair and beard were styled just so. A bad haircut or hat would off put me to the point of silent embarrassment. I loved our adventures.. when we were enjoying companionable silence, and his words jarred me.
It was always so situational. So lovely on the surface but so brittle. We never really fought or had problems, and we were so close, but something was too situational about it all. Too formulated. Too ingrained. The grooves we wore in creating our routine were perfect but only because we never deviated from that path and we dug ourselves deeper and deeper to the point we couldn't get our wheels on another track. We only fit in that one space.
You can never truly shake that "not quite right" feeling.
you think to yourself that you've already spent so much time with them. they're the first decent person you've dated in your search so you better hold on for dear life. you're reaching settling down age so you better hold on for dear life. they're the only person you've met who wants/doesn't want children so you better hold on for dear life. they're the only person who was willing to give you commitment so you better hold on for dear life, etc.
basically you have them in your life not because they add something, but because they address lack. and the reasons are most often rooted in fear or insecurity, mostly over not being able to find another person or do better.
OH and i almost forgot and this is huge - you wouldn't even be good friends with this person, being honest with yourself. they're just a boyfriend/girlfriend, each others' company is not exciting outside of sex. you can watch TV and play games together, but it feels more like a distraction from the ''not quite right'' in the air.
Your shared history is the only thing keeping you together.
When all you have in common is history. Your goals, hobbies, ideals, needs have drifted so far in opposite directions that if you met now, without the shared history, you'd both acknowledge that you're not compatible. If something like planning a fun weekend, or saving for a trip, or voting, or thinking about the future means that one, or both, are sacrificing something they truly want, you're only together out of inertia, not deliberation or compatibility.
You're friends more than you're lovers.
I went through this with my last ex and I would say the number one thing is when they feel like just a best friend instead of a romantic partner. If neither of you feel like fixing that then it means you both are just together for convenience.
Cheating stops seeming quite so bad.
When you begin to justify the possibility of "just" cheating on them.
You'd rather be alone than with them.
They treat you poorly.
Putting up with bad habits and behaviors that you normally would not tolerate from anyone.
They don't add anything to your life.
If you miss how nice and kind they are and their company, rather than more specific experiences and commonalities... I'm having trouble wording it, but I just had a mutual breakup because of this.
When you're with them because of how easy they make your life, rather than how much more they add to it. When the main thing you miss/appreciate is their support and not other aspects. When you are ambivalent about the relationship but stay because it's good enough. When the relationship is holding you back in some ways, but is comfortable and content. When sexual passion is minimal. When the main qualities they possess are "nice" and "good" it probably means you're not appreciating some important aspects that other women would.
You're not in love with them anymore (or you never were).
When you are talking to a friend, listing out all the reasons you are with your SO and once you are done, your friend points out that 'i love him' wasn't on the list.
The best way to know if you're staying in your relationship out of convenience? Listen with your gut and go from there.
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