Relationships
11 Women Reveal The Best Lesson They Learned From Their Breakup & They're So Wise
by Candice Jalili
When you're in the thick of it, it's difficult to find a silver lining from your breakup. Understandably so! You just lost someone who was once an important part (if not the most important part) of your life. That being said, there is one silver lining: with each breakup comes a new learning experience. For example, in a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, real ladies shared the lessons you learn from breakups and I have a few of their best responses here for you.
Read along and get ready to soak up their wisdom!
Pay attention to red flags.
People don’t change. Red flags matter. If there’s even a one little thing that had you like “woah this is something I really don’t like and can’t put up with” - leave.
You can't make someone love you.
You can't make the other person love you.I think often we're taught that if you work hard enough at something, you'll get what you want. And that's what I did, I constantly got him stuff and tolerated shit from him and did everything he wanted. But we broke up because he didn't love me. You can't make someone feel a certain way no matter how hard you tried.
Acting on anger can lead to regret.
Anger fades. Don’t take action on your anger just because you’re hurting. You’ll embarrass yourself and you’ll regret the things you did and said in anger LONG after you feel hurt because the relationship ended.Express your anger in a healthy way, communicate that you are angry, just keep yourself from taking action or acting out on it.
Real love shouldn't be hard work.
struggle love isn't love.
if you have to chase, be ride or die, or otherwise work extremely hard for the bare minimum, it's not worth it.
now, good relationships take work, but it isn't one-sided, both parties are working. too many people, myself included, thought i had to work hard to make something work but nothing is going to happen if the other party isn't lifting a finger.
You have to be comfortable with your life as is before letting someone into it.
You have to learn to live with yourself, before allowing others to share a life with you. Hit me hard. I'm glad I learnt it though. Broke up 4 months ago, but realized this 2 days ago. Life has gotten much better in these last 2 days. Let's see where Will I be in a year. I'm a guy btw.
Trust your gut.
Trust yourself. Your feelings are valid and your goals are just as important.
Resentment can poison a relationship.
No matter how serious you were, it's totally possible to let go.
That it is possible to let go, despite the depth of the relationship, and knowing at the same time the bond will never get broken and the love will never be lost. I always believed that letting go broke that bond and love was lost. Quite a conundrum. But the realization allowed me to move forward.
If family matters to you, make sure you love spending time with each other's families.
If you love spending time with your family, make sure your SO loves spending time with them too. I always spent time with my ex's family because I wanted to have a great relationship with them (which I did), but he could care less if he spent time with mine. I could literally count on 2 hands how many times he saw my mom in 5 years. After the break up, i realized that he was selfish and that he needs a gf with no family because he could care less if he knows them. Now, if a guy makes up a stupid excuse to not see my family, im done. They are way too important to me to not have my SO love them like I do.
It's OK to walk away at any point.
If it feels off the first time you hangout, don’t let anyone talk you into going out with that person again. Trust your instincts.
Don't assume things will get better on their own.
If something bothers you, it's your responsibility to say something and not sweep it under the rug and think things will get better or go back to normal. Don't invalidate your own feelings; say what you feel. If it's meant to last it will.
Even if you haven't quite figured out what your breakup had to teach you, try to take what these ladies said to heart. They each were able to come up with some great life tips we can all live by.
