12 People Reveal What Makes Someone Good In Bed, & It Just Got Hotter In Here
From an objective perspective, it's important to acknowledge that what makes someone good in bed isn't the same across the board. Pleasure is subjective, and everybody experiences and explores their sexuality in different ways, on their own terms. That said, having great sex isn't just about the stars aligning and being 100 percent sexually compatible from the start. Having great sex is also about recognizing that not everyone's body reacts the same way. The sex move that made your ex lose it could end up being totally meh for your current partner, and that's OK. Talking about what turns you both on and what you specifically like in bed can be super fun, and honestly, very, very hot.
Before we get into what "makes" someone good in bed, let's take a second to debunk the myth that asking what someone likes in bed is "unsexy." Sure, explaining what goes where, à la birds and the bees, can definitely get awkward. However, hopping in bed with someone who cares about pleasuring you enough to verbally ask what turns you on is sexy. Plus, the chances of climaxing (another sexy thing) are a lot higher if there is some communication going on, you feel me?
If you're still unsure about what makes someone "good" in bed (Hint: Everyone's different! There is no wrong or right answer!), folks on Reddit have chimed in on what they think does the trick, from their perspective. Remember: This is what has worked for them. What works for you can be completely different, and that's OK!
02Foreplay
Foreplay does not start at the clit. It is the penultimate step. Foreplay starts with caresses and kisses and biting etc etc on all the other parts of the body - and don't be afraid of exploring, a calf or the inside of an elbow can be just as sensitive as a nipple. After she's all hot and bothered, then go to the clit to ramp it up and ideally make her come before penetration.
Plus the normal communication, don't take it too seriously, listen to nonverbal cues, spice it up but don't get position - obsessed etc.
Foreplay and an understanding of erogenous zones. A guy that actually knows what is up with female anatomy is awesome! Do not just go for the clit! Also understanding that for women, arousal is very psychological. Especially when i am on meds, namely Birth Control (which you should be thanking me for) i cannot just flip a switch and be turned on. The worst is a guy that rushes things to get to the penetration.
— Kholzie
It starts with good kissing. After that it's about not being in a rush, being able to be playful, and knowng that it's important to touch more than just my breasts.
The entire body can be an erogenous zone if you touch someone the right way. Tease me. I love being teased, being made to wait, to anticipate you and long for you - just not too long.
03Contrast
The best sex is "Jekyll and Hyde" sex, which is when one second you're a sex monster and then the next, you brushing the hair out of my face saying "you're so beautiful" and then back to f*cking me sideways... The flip-flop between aggression and tenderness puts your body and mind on such a ride. Also, not concentrating too much on 'being good in bed', like you have to prove something to me. Move with the energy of the moment, and I'll move with you.
04Honesty
I think the best way for two people to have fun in bed is to be open and honest about their wants and needs. I understand that may feel uncomfortable for some, but being honest about what you like and don't like will avoid a lot of awkwardness. Use your hands! Caress our skin, chicks will react to where they enjoy being touched. Prime us! Do NOT just ram it in and jackhammer until you're done, that is boring, somewhat painful, and will give us very little incentive to let you try it a second time. Most of all just relax and have fun, if you're chests make a fart sound laugh because that sh*t is always funny.
05Taking Direction
Willingness to learn. Someone who wants to completely please me and acts like I'm some sort of goddess. A little bit of rough play, spanking, biting and lustful grabbing of boobs and bum. But doesn't take it all too seriously. If I'm made to feel like a sex goddess, then I will make you feel like a sex God.
— kiminath
Don't get sensitive if I ask you to do something differently. I want to be with you, and I want our sexy time to be amazing. You are not a sex god, and that's ok. Don't get offended, I just want you to hit the right spot. You will be happy you listened, and so will I!
— avayla
07Realize That Orgasming Isn't Everything
First off, I would definitely agree that "a lack of orgasm" does not automatically equal "bad sex". Over the years, my wife and I have had a number of satisfying encounters wherein one of us does not cum. (We start asking questions if neither of us do, though.)
Second off, I would agree that there is much more to "good sex" than orgasm. I'm a romantic, and have always cared less about sex itself than about the meaning behind it. I think sex is best used as a vehicle to celebrate things like trust and vulnerability. I am lucky enough to now have love and sex together, and the experience is beyond what mere genital stimulation could ever create.
the important part of the experience isn't so much the finish line as the meat in the middle, all the stuff you do that can lead to climax. I can finish from a plain old hand job and that's that, but the entire thing is going to be way more fun if there's a variety of stimulation and playing around with dominance and just letting loose the love and lust for one another. I'm not having sex with my partner just to get off and be done with it. I want that raw, primal, unadulterated connection and opportunity to show her my affection and give her pleasure. Passionate play matters too in good sex.
08Doing Your Homework
When I first started sleeping with girls a friend linked me to an instructional video on eating p*ssy by Nina Heartly which upped my oral game a whole lot. Obviously every girl is different, and different things have varying degrees of pleasure for each girl, but after trying out some of the techniques it's really easy to see what drives your girl wild and what she doesn't really care for.
— riskit55
While there may not be one specific thing that will get every woman going, simply taking the time and putting in the effort to ensure you both have a satisfying experience is half the battle. Even if things don't start off amazing in the beginning, practice makes perfect. And when it comes to sex, practicing just so happens to be very fun.
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