So, you're on a date and get the feeling that things could be headed toward a hookup. Maybe this person seems like a promising candidate for a future bae, or maybe you're just down for a casual thang. Either way, it's important to keep your eyes peeled for some red flags when hooking up. During the very early stages of getting to know someone, you can never be too cautious. The fact of the matter is that people can seem totally nice and normal... until they don't. The best way to side step someone sketchy is to be observant and not to ignore anything that comes off as even remotely suss.
More often than not, people are much more transparent than they'd like to believe. Even the most convincing of trolls probably won't be able to go an entire evening without dropping a hint or two that they might be up to no good. Maybe they are a total player pretending to be a available, or a self-absorbed narcissist posing as a kind-hearted boo. Regardless, it's never a bad idea to keep your guard up until they've given you some concrete reasons to trust them. If a first-time hookup is displaying any of the following behavior, then it could be a red flag that something's up.
1. They Are Overly Focused On Their Needs
Few things are as dismal as realizing mid-hookup that the person you're with is pretty much only concerned with their own pleasure. "If your partner seems focused only on his or her pleasure, instead of making sure both people enjoy the experience, that's a possible sign of overall selfishness and emotional distance," relationship expert and certified counselor David Bennett told Bustle.
It goes without saying that, if someone isn't interested in satisfying you in bed, then this is a major red flag. If this is a person you're interested in seeing again and you felt like you clicked with them, then this red flag is something worth having a conversation about.
2. They Don't Respect Your Boundaries
Nothing kills the mood like being pressured or guilted into doing something you're not comfortable with. If the person you're hooking up with doesn't seem so into respecting your boundaries, then it's definitely time to remove yourself from the situation.
"[It's a red flag] if your new partner doesn’t respect any physical limits you set about sex or intimacy," Brooke Bralove, LCSW, Psychotherapist and Sex Therapist, told Bustle. "[For example] you tell him/her that you don’t want your breasts to be touched and they ignore your request to stop."
3. They DGAF About Protection
When it comes to sex with someone new especially, protection is pretty non-negotiable. If a new sexual partner isn't so pumped about using protection, then there is a pretty big chance they aren't so concerned with their own health — and certainly not with yours.
The truth is, having unprotected sex with anyone puts you at risk. Any amount of convincing you to forgo protection should be met with firm resistance on your end, and if they aren't getting the message, then you can tell them bye.
Having an sexy experience with a potential bae for the first time should be an enjoyable, positive, and safe time for everyone involved. If, at any point during the encounter, things feel off to you — even if you feel like you're "past the point of no return" — it's absolutely never too late to pump the brakes. This is your sexual experience, too, and that means you're in charge.
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