I used to think that I would know when I'd found the person I was going to marry, because they'd drive a Jeep Wrangler and play the guitar. Of course, I'll be the first to say that my priorities in a relationship have changed over the years. I don't think that a car or rock band are the only signs you're with the person you're going to marry, and I no longer want Death Cab for Cutie to play at my wedding (and thank god for that). Although long-term romantic relationships are a beautiful and worthwhile part of life, they take a lot of work. And if you're gearing up to spend forever with someone, there can be a few steps to take before saying "I do."
"Being in love and getting married are not the same thing," Dr. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show, tells Elite Daily. "Marriage is a contract — an emotional, physical, social, spiritual and logistical transaction. Love is a feeling. Marriage should be absolutely 100% discussed explicitly. No beating around the bush."
Read on for the three main signs that you may be with the person you're going to marry.
01You Can Work Through Conflict
Finding someone to spend the rest of your life with doesn't necessarily mean finding someone you agree with on everything, but it does mean being with someone who you can work through problems with.
"You do have disagreements and you can work through them — you argue and disagree but in a way that reminds you both you are on the same team," Dr. Klapow says. "You believe deeply that they will be there for you in times of conflict and crisis. You trust them and their ability to work with you through the toughest of times."
According to Dr. Klapow, even the best relationships deal with conflict and disagreement. Working through adversity in your relationship can mean that you and your partner truly care about each other. If you've been through a lot together and you know they totally have your back, then you may be with your forever-boo.
02You Don't Have FOMO
Getting married can mean entering a lifelong partnership. Although you will always be your own person, having a spouse means considering someone else's needs and feelings as you make you decisions — together. According to Dr. Klapow, you may be with the person you're going to marry if you feel good about having them in every part of your future.
"You see yourself with them easily in the future," Dr. Klapow says. "You don’t have to work hard to imagine a life together you envision being together. You have no interest or hesitation, or concern about being interested in someone else. There is no fear at all that you are missing out on something else or someone else."
If you have no interest in seeing other people or you're sure you would be happy and fulfilled being with your boo for the rest of time, Dr. Klapow shares you may be with the one you're going to marry.
03You've Explicitly Talked About It
While working through conflict and seeing a future together are paramount before exchanging vows, Dr. Klapow attests the biggest sign that you're with the person you're going to marry is that you've both openly talked about it.
"Marriage is a topic that should be discussed, explored, analyzed, thought about, processed — all of this should be done together as a couple and individually," Dr. Klapow says. "If you don’t communicate explicitly about wanting to get married, having a timeline, setting boundaries and parameters, discussing expectations, etc., you may be very surprised to find out you are not on the same page."
After dating someone for a while, you may feel confident that you have the same ideas for your future together. Still, according to Dr. Klapow, discussing exactly what you're thinking for the future is the only way to ensure that you and your partner are on the same page about getting married.
Getting married can be a big step in any relationship. Of course, marriage isn't for everyone and if tying the knot isn't your endgame, it's totally OK to do whatever works for you and your boo. Still, if you are able to work through conflict and feel totally supported by your partner and are happy to think about your future together — you may be with someone you could be with forever. And remember: No matter how in love you are, exchanging some open dialogue can be important before exchange vows.
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