A Breakup Expert Offers 4 Tips For Making It Through This Rough Patch
It can be hard when the emotional aftermath of a breakup finally sets in and you feel like you'll never get over it. The truth is, although things might suck right now, you're not going to feel like this forever. Giving yourself time to heal isn't easy. To pass the time, consider trying out some of the best breakup tips from breakup coach and host of the podcast breakup BOOST Trina Leckie to soothe your broken heart.
I, too, have experienced a breakup that felt like a meteor had plummeted into my life and left a giant crater. I distinctly remember walking to class a couple of days after a breakup with my first love, and nothing felt remotely OK. I texted my cousin asking her to tell me it would eventually get better, because I wasn't sure if it ever would. She explained that things would eventually improve, even though it may take time. She was right. It did, in fact, get better.
When I was struggling back then, and people told me to give it time, I shrugged off that advice. It didn't feel helpful at all. Now, though, I understand they were saying it because it's true. You can grow so much during a post-breakup rough patch because it gives you a chance to heal on your own and understand what you need to grow. Give the following tips from Leckie a try so you can start feeling like yourself again.
01Remind yourself why you ended things.
"Make a list of everything that was not working in the relationship, right down to the nitty-gritty," says Leckie. "It’s important to be honest with yourself." Even if you're not the one that ended the relationship, it can be helpful to keep in mind why the other person ended things. Remind yourself that you ultimately want to be with someone who wants to be with you.
"So often, people breakup and are more focused on getting the other person back due to attachment," says Leckie. Try to remember that, although you may feel like you want this person back, there are plenty of amazing things in store for you without them.
02Cut off contact with your ex.
"This means no calling, texting, emailing, or checking their social media. Unfriend them on social media," Leckie details. This can be a difficult step that might be hard to follow. However, Leckie explains it aids the healing process immensely. "If you are in constant contact or always looking at their photos," explains Leckie, "that can be like self-torture and will only hold you back from healing."
No contact at all can sound like it would be heart-wrenching, but you can do it. Elle Huerta, breakup expert and founder of the breakup app Mend, tells Elite Daily that a period of 60 days without contact is an ideal allotment of time. This is because it gives your brain a chance to sever your neurochemical attachment to your former partner, and to rediscover a life lived independently from them.
03Make yourself your number one priority.
Leckie stresses how important it is to do things that you find rewarding, even if you feel sad. For instance, she explains how important it is to get into a regular routine. "Stay busy, get things done, and don’t procrastinate because this will just add to your stress," she says. It can also help to do fun things like spend time with friends and listen to more upbeat music. You are definitely allowed to be sad, but make time for intentional fun.
04Focus on your health.
Believe it or not, breakups are totally a form of grief. Breakups can be grieved, the same way you would grieve the loss of a loved one. Leckie stresses that it is important to make sure that you're still taking care of yourself, and your health, during a particularly rough time. If you're struggling to remember simple things like eating, that's totally understandable. To help combat this set reminders on your phone to eat, drink water, or take your medicine at the right time. Other examples of ways to put your health first include avoiding drugs and alcohol, working out, getting into a routine, aiming for a regular sleep schedule of eight hours a night and many more.
Getting through this rough patch could mean doing something as simple as making your bed and heading out on a walk. It might mean that you start going to therapy. There's no shame in struggling after a breakup because it simply means you cared a lot. And the best person to give your love and care to right now is you.
Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!
