5 Personality Types That Are Most Selfish In Relationships
French philosopher and author Albert Camus once wrote, “To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others.” But there’s a difference between practicing self-care and being downright selfish. It’s an important distinction to make when it comes to relationships, given that dating someone who is too wrapped up in themselves can be a downright frustrating experience. That’s why it’s helpful to know the Myers-Briggs personality types that are most selfish in relationships.
By nature, love is a selfless game. After all, there will be times in any relationship where you have to make sacrifices for your partner, and vice versa. There has to be some give and take. When one person is doing all the taking, resentment can build, making it impossible to maintain a happy, healthy bond. Moreover, this kind of dynamic can eventually lead to codependency, a type of one-sided relationship in which one partner depends on the other for meeting all of their needs.
Just as all of the MBTI types have their own unique strengths and positive traits, they also have their flaws. As far as the latter goes, these particular personality types may be more prone to being self-absorbed — so don’t be surprised if they tend to put their own needs and wants before yours.
ESFP
On the positive end of the spectrum, The Entertainer is super friendly, lively, accepting, and flexible. ESFPs can be true team players, and they also adapt well to change. However, these social butterflies can also get a bit selfish in regards to attention.
Their attention-seeking behavior may prove frustrating at times for their partners, especially if they’re dating someone who also thrives on being in the spotlight. Additionally, their spontaneity can sometimes border on impulsivity. In other words, they might occasionally neglect their partner’s needs and desires while in the continual pursuit of the next thrilling experience.
ENTP
According to Truity Psychometrics, on personality trait scales, ENTPs score as most likely to be resourceful, friendly, independent, and self-centered. Clearly, The Debater has a lot of positive qualities — for example, they have an excellent knack for reading people and solving new and challenging problems (both of which can obviously come in handy in a relationship). However, the ENTP can sometimes get carried away with their ideas and goals, and may go to any length to pursue them — even if it means compromising your needs or wishes to satisfy their ever-changing whims. Since they have a Thinking preference rather than Feeling, they’re more likely to make decisions based on logic and reason rather than consider your emotions or desires.
INTP
An INTP is far more interested in exploring abstract ideas and theories than socializing or making personal connections. They can get so absorbed in their own world that they become isolated and unaware that your needs and wants aren’t being met.
To boot, The Logician is not especially good at planning. As such, there’s a good chance they may forget your anniversary, or neglect to plan a date night or pick up a Valentine’s Day present. In that way, they could appear selfish, especially if their SO is someone who craves a lot of quality time, verbal affirmation, or tokens of affection.
Fortunately, INTPs are non-judgmental, curious, and open-minded, so they’ll always be eager to learn more about you and your needs, and they’re also adept at solving problems (as long as you’re doing so from a logical rather than an emotional point of view).
ENFP
Warm, supportive, and empathetic — those are just a few of the ENFP’s best qualities, all of which can prove advantageous if you’re dating this type. It may seem contradictory to say that an ENFP can be all of these things while also being selfish, but the fact is that this type will typically only become self-absorbed if someone violates their core morals or values.
ENFPs also crave a lot of recognition, verbal affirmation, and displays of appreciation. So in that way, their partner may come to see them as selfish when it comes to demanding lots of validation.
The Campaigner has a tendency to jump from one thing to the next, and therefore, are prone to flakiness, which some may deem as selfish behavior. For example, if you have dinner plans and they suddenly get invited to an exclusive networking event, don’t be surprised if they back out.
Fortunately, this is a Feeling-focused personality type, so if you can find a way to tell them how their actions make you feel (in a non-accusatory or judgmental way), they are likely to hear you out and make their best effort to improve.
ESTP
There’s a lot to appreciate about this personality type in a relationship. Not only are they energetic, practical, and optimistic, but they’re always down to help you navigate a difficult issue with an objective and analytical approach, whether it’s a disagreement with your boss or a conflict with your bestie.
The Entrepreneur is all about living in the moment, which means you’re bound to have an endlessly exciting relationship, filled with new sensory experiences. However, in their effort to live life to the fullest, they may become a little self-serving at times — exploiting for the sake of a rush. In other words, since they’re so focused on the present (and a tad impulsive), they may fail to think about the consequences of their actions. Your needs and their responsibilities as a partner may fall by the wayside in the process of their endless pleasure-seeking.
Selfishness is a normal and natural part of being human. Some people are only selfish when it comes to specific things, like time, their belongings, or control. Others are selfish when making certain kinds of decisions or in certain situations, like while planning a vacation or in the middle of a conflict. Also, it's important to note that self-care is different from being selfish. So, saying "no" to bae's event invitation or skipping out on date night because you really need to be alone — that's not selfish, that's called taking care of yourself.
Being selfish only becomes a problem when it’s chronically compromising your emotional, physical, or mental well-being. If you continually feel like your needs aren’t being fulfilled — and furthermore, your partner isn’t making an effort to change that, then it will obviously be very difficult to feel loved and appreciated.
These personality types may be more prone to this trait, but that doesn’t mean they’re all guaranteed to be egocentric, nor does it mean that other MBTI types definitely won’t exhibit selfishness from time to time. The important thing to remember is that anyone can learn to be more selfless, as long as you're willing to put in the effort to make a positive change.
