Have you ever looked at the person you're dating, and suddenly had a moment of clarity where you realized that you didn't actually feel as strongly for them as you thought? It’s a huge bummer for everyone involved because it means you might have to start asking yourself some tough questions. It seems unfair to both you and the other person if you stay together without, well... wanting to stay together. So, if you're seeing the signs you don’t actually like someone you’re dating, it's time to start thinking about what to do about it, for both your sakes.
How do you tell the difference between momentary, fleeting feelings of doubt, and deeper, more lasting ones that indicate there is a bigger problem in the relationship — namely that you don't actually like them? If you suspect it could be the latter, experts say it's time to start paying attention for additional signs that point in the right direction. (Which, in this case, may the exit.) Here's what experts say are common yet telltale signs the person you're seeing isn't right for you, because, well, you might not really like them that much — even if you aren't ready to admit it yet.
01There isn’t any real chemistry.
If you want to know how you feel about someone, Julie Spira, an online dating expert, previously explained to Elite Daily that you can get clues by looking at how much chemistry you have. "With physical chemistry, early on, people often meet someone and notice their your heart starts to beat heavily, and you actually have that feeling of butterflies in your stomach,“ she said. While with time those feels can wane in a relationship, a complete lack of chemistry is one sign that you don't actually like the person in a romantic way.
02You don’t want to get up close and personal.
While not having butterflies every time you set eyes on the person you're dating hardly spells automatic doom for a relationship, feelings of disinterest or disgust at the idea of being physically intimate with them is definitely a sign you don't like someone, as Monica Parikh, dating and relationships coach at School of Love NYC, previously told Elite Daily. "Do you want to kiss this person?" she asked. "Get physically closer? Talk longer? See them again? If the answer is no, you're likely more friends than lovers."
03Being with them doesn’t spark joy.
It sounds simple, but does being around the person you're dating make you happy? If not, that's a red flag, as Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent dating and relationship therapist in Los Angeles, previously told Elite Daily. The same is true if your friends are noticing a change in you, especially that you’ve lost some of your spark. "[If] your friends comment that, 'you guys don’t seem that happy anymore,'" that could mean you don't enjoy your partner's company, Dr. Brown explained.
04You’re constantly annoyed by them.
If your partner is suddenly always on your nerves, that's a sign that your feelings have changed, NYC relationship expert Susan Winter previously warned Elite Daily. If things you didn’t notice before about your partner instantly put you on edge, or “you find yourself irritated by everything they do (and don't do),” she said, that's a sign that you don’t really enjoy their company anymore.
05You’d be fine with them dating someone else instead.
Unless you're polyamorous or non-monogamous, perhaps the clearest sign you just don't feel the way about them anymore is when the idea of them being in a relationship with someone else doesn't bother you — or maybe it even fills you with relief, as Alessandra Conti previously told Elite Daily. “In a healthy relationship, this thought should leave you upset and unsettled, but if you are out of love, you essentially do not care," she explained.
Whew! Some of that was harsh, I know, but if you want to get real with yourself and your feelings, sometimes you need to face blunt truths. If this is resonating with you, it may be time to think about what steps you want to take next. And if you’re realizing you’re not quite to the place where you want to give up on the relationship yet, that's OK, too. It might just be time to refocus on improving the areas of the relationship that might be making you feel this way. After all, as Dr. Brown said, “All of this could be temporary.” In that case, his advice is to talk to your partner about how you're feeling, and maybe even consider couples' therapy. That way, you can nip this in the bud before it goes past the point of working out.
Whatever you decide, the key is just to do what feels right for you. But remember: You shouldn't have to settle for being in a relationship with someone you don't want to date. Liking the person you're with is the minimum requirement.
