Relationships
5 Queer Women Reveal How Their First Date With A Woman Changed Everything
I think, in all of our lives, we sometimes hit milestones that we never saw coming. I guess they're what some describe as "aha moments" — those instances at which everything feels flipped on its head and you stop and think, "Oh, this is who I am. This is what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. This is what feels right." After reading or speaking with a handful of women about their first dates with the same gender, it sounds like they were definitely unexpected milestones (in the best possible sense).
As a straight, cisgender woman, I certainly don't want to make any assumptions about what this is like, but I'd imagine it's similar to moving to a brand new city and immediately feeling you've come home. You try something new — something you thought might be cool or fun or interesting —and suddenly find yourself feeling happier and more at ease than you ever thought possible.
These women describe their first date experiences as eye-opening, effortless, and even revolutionary, and each of these stories has lit my heart on fire in the best way.
But I'll let them take it from here. Here's what five queer women had to say about their first date with someone of the same gender. Prepare to melt.
It Was The Best First Date She'd Ever Been On.
I was 28. Ended a long-term, bad relationship at the end of February (he cheated). I was facing single-hood for the first time in five years. Started running again, lost 50 pounds, got a new career, moved 400 miles away. When I was emotionally ready to re-enter the dating scene, I decided to expand my horizons. I had never officially 'dated' a woman, but I had had a secret 'Friends with Benefits' situation with a female friend back in college. I wanted to be open to giving the real thing a chance. Fast forward to the date.
I had been talking to a girl I met on a dating site for a few days. We hit it off pretty quickly. The conversation flowed easily. She was gorgeous and clever, one of those 'I can't believe she's talking to me' things.
We decided to meet for dinner at a hole-in-the-wall bar with a first-class gastropub menu. She was even more attractive in person, even more engaging. I was totally engrossed by her self-assuredness and charm. One of those people who exudes that aura of complete calm and control. I can't remember one lull in the conversation. We ordered beers and elk burgers and chatted until the bar crowd thinned to the last few people (it was a week night, must clear out early).
I didn't want the night to end, so I suggested going for a walk over the nearby bridge. We walked for the next two hours, talking the entire time. It rained, and we kept walking - even after the stem of my cheap umbrella snapped in half - chatting with rain dripping down our faces.
I was shocked at how natural it all felt, how naturally it came. There was never a moment where I thought, 'This is with a girl. This is weird.' It just felt right. Effortless. By the time we got back to our cars — drenched — we had been out together for nearly five hours. We hugged goodbye. I was on Cloud Nine the entire drive home. Her text later that night saying she 'had a blast' was the cherry on top.
It was the best first date I've ever been on. Wow.
Her First Date Helped Her Realize What She Really Wanted.
My freshman year of college I ended up rooming with a girl who was bi, and it led me to have such an awesome sexual awakening. I think she kind of knew that I was bi before I did, and she encouraged me (in a totally non-pressure-y way) to have different romantic experiences, which I was a little nervous about but very open to.
Anyway, she ended up setting me up on a date with one of her friends who was a lesbian. It was nice enough, but any time this girl tried to touch my hand or flirt a little, I kept wishing that it was my roommate. So I went back to our dorm that night (a little tipsy) and crawled into her bed and we had sex and it was amazing. Revolutionary. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, but she made me feel so comfortable, and way more aroused than any guy I'd been with. We had a friends with benefits relationship for years after that, and I am so glad she helped me explore myself and realize that I was bi, too.
—Mary*, 24
This Woman's Date Was On Valentine's Day & It Was Amazing.
We both kind of realised that it counted as a date halfway through, and that it was totally coincidentally on Valentine's Day?! We hadn't realised! And I mean, it was... really nice. It felt super good to cuddle and smile and realise that I was on a date with a woman for the first time in my life, and it felt better and more natural than every single other date I'd ever been on combined. It wasn't awkward or me wondering why I wasn't as into this as I should be, it was just me, laughing and having fun and genuinely really loving the company of someone with whom I totally got on and really, really wanted to see again.
I don't know how I ever dated men at all. Looking back at those dates... I hated them! I was so uncomfortable! I felt completely alien! I didn't even want to hug them, but I felt obligated to kiss them?! With this woman, I didn't feel obligated to do anything at all. I just felt want. I wanted to cuddle, I wanted to laugh at her jokes and smile as she talked, I wanted to kiss her and tell her that I really, really liked her. It felt good, and natural, and free. I'm a lesbian, on a date with a woman, and I'm loving every second.
Her Summer Fling Opened So Many Doors.
The summer before my senior year of high school, I'd been seeing this guy off and on for a few weeks when I became incredibly attracted to one of my friends' friends, who happened to be a lesbian (and had a crush on me, too). I asked her to hang out and watch a movie one night, and I just felt so much more comfortable with her than I had with any of the guys I'd dated before. It was eye-opening, like I was tapping into this whole new side of my personality and sexuality and self. It was exciting, refreshing. So I ended things with the other dude (he was super conservative and such an a*shole about the whole thing) to explore this relationship.
We ended up dating for like a month. We weren't super compatible as people, but that first night we hung out was kind of a turning point for me. In the years since, I've dated guys and girls and had wonderful connections with both, which I love.
—Sammy, 25
This Woman Thought, 'This Is It.'
In my late 20s, I hooked up with a female friend. I called my sister after I left and said, 'OMG, this. I think this is it.' Several years of happy dating later, we got married. Still happy years after that.
Excuse me while I mop myself up off the floor.
*Name has been changed. Quotes have been edited and condensed for clarity.
