Sometimes you’re getting down in the club, and the pickings are so slim that you contemplate doing the unthinkable and texting your ex. Maybe they’ve been on your mind recently, or maybe you’re just looking to get down and want someone who knows how to push your buttons. Either way, there’s no shame in hitting up an ex for some casual TLC. How to hook up with an ex without making things complicated typically varies depending on how things ended between you two. As a rule of thumb, if you’re looking for some quick action, then it's usually better to send a flirty message to someone who doesn’t have a reason to still be pissed.
They key to being successful when fishing for an old lover is to make the window of opportunity open, but not too open. This means that if you’re out on a Friday evening, sending a late-night text is usually a solid choice. This way, it’s not mistaken for an invitation to reconnect, but clearly an invitation to hook up. And if they aren’t free, they can easily counter with an offer to grab a drink the following night. But before sending a sexy text to your ex, it’s always a good idea to be prepared for the worst, like a lack of response, a text letting you know they aren’t interested, or a text telling you they're seeing someone else. If you can handle the possibility that your attempt at meeting up might not pan out, then you’ve got very little to lose, so just hit send and see what happens.
01"Hey there, you crossed my mind and I was wondering what you were up to tonight?"
Since you're the one who decided to reach out and might not have any idea what's going on in their life, my advice is to err on the side of caution rather than sending something super scandalous, only to feel awk if you don't get the response you were hoping for. Letting them know you were thinking about them and wanted to see what their plans were is usually enough to drop a hint that you'd be up for some fun. Then, once you have a feel for whether or not they would also be down, you can take the conversation in a more overtly sexual direction.
02"A new whiskey bar just opened up downtown, was thinking we could meet up for a shot and see where the night takes us ;)"
If you're feeling a bit more bold and don't want to mince words, suggest meeting at a place you know they would like. Suggesting something specifically for them is a good way to break the ice and remind them of the good times. But letting them know that you're open to "seeing where the night takes you" is a great line to get their thoughts moving in a more scandalous direction. And a wink emoji never hurt nobody! If you're pretty confident they'd be down, then maybe even go in for the kill and use an eggplant or peach emoji.
03"*Insert photo* oops, don't know where that came from ;)"
If you're the type that likes to drop a hint and make them do most of the groundwork, then sending a sexy pic you know they already have is never a bad idea. I suggest following it up with a flirty message making it clear that you obviously did mean to send it to them while still teasing at it being a "mistake." If you're going to take this approach, it's usually better to make sure it's a photo they've seen before, because if it's a new one, knowing that it was taken for someone else could be a bit of a turn off.
04"TBH, my bed is pretty cold at the moment, but if you're down I can think of a few ways to warm it up."
Fact: Cold beds are no fun. Assuming your ex is a reasonable person, they should totally understand why a bed warmer might be just what the doctor ordered. If you get a green light, then crack open a bottle of wine and prepare to get saucy. If you don't feel like leaving your apartment, then this is a great way to let them know that they're going to have to come to you. And while you might have to endure some awkward pre-hookup chit-chat, feel free to fall asleep sans cuddling (since you've made your intentions clear). But of course, booty-call etiquette does imply that offering an invitation for them to crash at your place after making the trek is always a nice gesture.
055."Hey there, hope all is well! DTF?"
Because life is short and sometimes you want to be as direct as possible. Why spend an entire evening buttering up one ex, only to embark on a seemingly endless game of cat and mouse? If you're scanning your little black book for hookup prospects, then you don't necessarily have time to waste by putting all your eggs in one basket. Some situations mean you've got to cast a wide net and see who takes the bait. Dropping this one-liner to a couple different ex-baes around 11 p.m. on the weekend just might yield some surprising results.
If you're toying with the idea of circling back to a past flame, just remember that even if you're as upfront as possible, things could get a little messy. It's usually best to go into things as open and honest as possible to avoid any hurt feelings or regrets after the fact. Managing to lock down an ex who's down for some casual fun from time to time can be a win-win for everyone involved, just be sure to choose your prospects wisely.
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