7 Red Flags You Might Be Too Obsessed With Your Relationship

It's normal to think about your partner throughout the day — they are a big part of your life, after all. But when you reach the point where "you're so focused on them that everything occurring in your world relates to them," you're heading into obsessive territory, NYC-based relationship expert Susan Winter tells Elite Daily.

Diana Dorell, dating coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again, agrees that when thinking about your partner becomes disruptive to your work and personal life, it's time to pull the emergency brake on the relationship. For instance, if "you are unable to focus at work because you are constantly wondering if they are missing you," or "you begin avoiding friends and family and drop everything to take a call from the person you're seeing,” the fixation is going a little too far.

When you're out with friends, do you catch them zoning out or rolling their eyes whenever the subject of your relationship comes up? If you’re being honest, do you realize you’ve been talking about them the entire time you've been with your friends, and you just can't seem to stop yourself? Winter says that's a behavior you need to take a closer look at. "These are the 'thought bursts' that irritate your friends, as every topic of conversation you share becomes a prompt to talk about your mate once again," she explains.

And if most of what you say about your partner consists of long-winded venting sessions, that’s another indication that there are deeper problems in the relationship. "If you’re constantly venting to your friends about your relationship, chances are you're obsessed with the direction and depth of the relationship,” behavioral scientist, relationship coach, and creator of Your Happiness Hypothesis Method, Clarissa Silva tells Elite Daily. This might tell you something about whether this is the right partner for you.

Have you stopped feeling like your feelings are yours? Winter says that if "you're either happy or sad depending upon where you stand with your partner," you're too obsessed with your relationship. What she's describing isn’t just feeling empathy for your partner's emotions (that’s healthy), but rather, when "your relationship becomes the center point of your emotional barometer."

Winter says that another sign you're obsessed with your relationship is that your emotions have become erratic and unpredictable. "Obsession has wildly vacillating ups and downs," says Winter. "One minute you're on top of the world, and the next minute you're in despair wondering if your lover still loves you." One clear sign of obsession is noticing extreme emotional changes in yourself, because "our partner has gained an elevated status in our life," says Winter. "This throws off our rational thinking.”

In addition to having your well-being dependent on your partner’s well-being, a sign of obsession and codependency is putting their needs and wants before your own needs and wants. If you find that to be the case, and you are constantly being a pushover with your partner, you likely have a problem with boundaries. “People who are boundary-less in relationships often feel desperation, that sense of' ‘I'm not OK if we're not OK,’ or have a strong tendency to people-please others and minimize their own needs and wants,” Higgins says. “Feeling obsessed with a relationship can go in this realm as well.”

As Dorell points out, when "you have stopped doing the things that make you happy just for you (taking that dance class, reading for pleasure, etc.)," and "they get put on the back burner,” you may be in an unhealthy place in your relationship. It’s probably time to take a step back and reevaluate what this partnership is really bringing into your life — and what you're giving up.

In a healthy relationship, there is going to be some compromise. However, as Silva explains, it’s about "striking a balance where both partners are happy." She warns that if you have begun "acquiescing to your partner’s needs most of the time" or "defining what you want based on someone else in order to please them, you may be replacing your life’s desires in the long run."

This might seem obvious, but if several of your friends and family bring up to you that you are too obsessive or dependent on your relationship, you probably are. If you find that you also rarely see your friends and family anymore (which could be the reason they bring this up to you), that is also a red flag, relationship expert James Preece previously told Elite Daily. “Neglecting your family and friends is never a good idea, but it can happen if you make your partner the priority," he said.

It can be easy to shrug off what people close to you have to say about your relationship, but ultimately, your viewpoint will always be a bit biased. Listening to your friends and family is important in this situation, because it can be incredibly difficult to recognize an obsessive or codependent relationship when you’re in one. “If people try to call it out or indicate that it feels ‘smothering,’ [or] ‘too needy,’ it can feel like an absolute attack to your core,” Higgins says. “Remember, with immoderate boundaries we don't have a clear sense of self, so being called out in this way could really be a huge shot to our self-worth, if we aren't in a place of healthy self-awareness.”