8 Texts You Can Send Your Ex After A Breakup If You Wanna Check In

"Hi [Ex's Name]. I hope you're feeling better today. I'm sorry for the way things went down yesterday, and if you still want to talk, I'm willing to listen. Take care."

If you broke up with your ex and they disrespected you for it, do not feel obligated to reach out. In fact, never feel obligated to reach out no matter how they took the breakup! You don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but if the breakup ended with them confused and in tears, a text offering them the chance to talk through it might allow them to have the closure they very much need.

However, Leckie does not “recommend this, because it just keeps reopening the wound, even if not intentional.” While you may want to make it clear you’re leaving the door open for them to have closure, Leckie says it may come across “insincere” or “annoying.”

"Hi [Ex's Name]. Thank you for hearing me out yesterday. I wanted to know that I really appreciate the way you handled our conversation and I'm thankful for what we had when we were together."

Again, you don't have to reach out to your ex if you don't want to. If the breakup was amicable, and they seemed OK at the end of it, it might feel like talking so soon after ending the relationship is too much. Plus, if your relationship didn’t leave you feeling very thankful (like if they weren't supportive or didn't treat you well), you absolutely do not owe them anything.

But if your gut tells you your text would do more good than harm, and it was a good relationship while it lasted, let them know you appreciate their maturity and understanding. It's always nice to know that someone you care about deeply admires the way you handle yourself.

"Hey [Ex's Name]. I'm really glad we talked yesterday. I think our conversation needed to happen and I'm thankful we're both on the same page. How are you feeling?"

Asking your ex how they feel the next morning might not be a great idea if you know you broke their heart. But if the breakup was mutual and you ended the relationship as friends, it might be nice to check in and see how they're doing. Chances are, they'll feel better, just like you probably do.

However, if the breakup was mutual, but the relationship was really, really difficult to end (like a long-distance relationship, for example, or a situation where you're in love with each other but need more from the relationship), checking in might allow you both to talk about it further and reevaluate if you need to.

"I'm sorry about how I expressed myself yesterday. I think it was a conversation that needed to be had, but I feel I went about it the wrong way. I hope you're doing OK today, and if not, I'm willing to talk about it further."

This one is tricky. If you had an awful fight where you said nasty things that you didn't mean and you feel like you need to apologize, then texting is a good way to do it. If they said horrible things to you, then you shouldn't feel like you have to reach out for anything. In fact, they should (hopefully) be the one doing the apologizing.

If mean words were expressed on both sides, maybe space is the best option, considering your wounds are likely still fresh. Only reach out if you feel like you owe them an apology or if you're genuinely concerned for your ex.

"Hi [Ex's Name]. Thanks for your honesty yesterday. I'm sorry about the way I handled it, but I felt very strongly for you, and I wasn't ready for this to end. It was tough, and I hope you understand."

This is another tough one. If they broke up with you and you unleashed the fighting words, apologize only if you think it's warranted. You don't have to if they broke up with you in a cruel way. You don't even have to, period.

But if you're a little ashamed of how you acted, messaging them might be a good way for you to peacefully close that book.

"Hey [Ex's Name]. I'm glad we talked yesterday. Thanks for being so honest. I hope you're happy and that we can still be friends."

Of course, don't say you hope to stay friends if you don't actually want to stay friends. If they ended the relationship, but it wasn't a total blow for you and you want to keep a line of communication open, by all means, reach out if you want to.

But if you put on a brave face for the breakup and you're still emotionally reeling from it, maybe it's best to take a breather and avoid texting them. There is no shame in doing what you need to do in order to move on, and if texting your ex the day after they break up with you is going to help you, then text away.

“Hey [Ex’s Name]. Can we chat for a bit? I understand if you need some space, but I still need closure and I do have some questions for you."

If you were at all blindsided or confused by the breakup, it's OK to reach out for some closure. If you feel like they need some space, maybe right away is not the time. However, you were also a part of that relationship and deserve to understand what really happened when the time is right for both of you to talk.

Just be sure you make it clear that you’re in no way trying to reach out to rekindle anything or drag the situation out. You just need some clarity for yourself, so you can properly move on.

“Hi there. I realize with everything happening last night, I left something at your place. I can come pick it up later today, if that works for you?

Sometimes, there aren’t things left unsaid, but items you forgot to take back when a relationship ends. If there’s something you can’t live without that you left at your ex’s place or they left something you know is important to them, you can reach out to make it right.

Leckie says that if you’re the one texting, then you should be the one to offer to pick it up or drop it off. You also want to set a date right away, because any back and forth will just prolong the hurt even more.