7 People Reveal The Lessons They Learned After Their First Marriages, & They're So Wise
Marriage is no joke ya'll. Seriously, making the decision to intertwine your life with someone else's for the long haul is pretty intense. Yet, no matter how much thought you put into it, there is bound to be a learning curve simply because there are some things you can't fully understand until you've experienced them. According to married folks on Reddit, there are tons of lessons they learned after their first marriages.
Even if you go into a commitment such as marriage thinking you have a pretty solid grasp of your relationship, chances are you are going to learn some new things about your partner and yourself as time goes on. While these enlightening experiences might not always feel positive in the moment, it's important to realize that every difficulty presents the opportunity for growth. IMO, the main purpose of any journey is ultimately to help us grow and evolve into better versions of ourselves. Many people consider marriage to be one of the most defining journeys of a person's life, and while it might not always work out for better or worse, there are definitely valuable takeaways to be gleaned. Here are some eye-opening lessons people learned from marriages that are super insightful.
Embrace the fact that you and your partner aren't the same.
Recognize that your partner is not you. They have a separate brain and self-awareness and perception of the world. They have a whole set of different life experiences, and consequently, a whole different way of seeing, reacting, and understanding. No, they aren't going to do something exactly the way you would do it. No, their first instinct might not be your first instinct. No, they are not you. And you know what? That's why you're with them.
Choose your battles wisely.
So many arguments arise when you remember some small detail slightly different that your spouse. You'll save yourself a lot of grief if you realize that our brains do not work like tape recorders. Avoid arguments over small details even if you are 100 percent certain of your memory, realize the brain is not perfect.
The only win scenario is the old lose-lose. Take a moment and think about if the argument is worth it, 99% it is not. Then suck it up and admit your fault and apologize, this will often result in the other realizing the same thing and apologize as well. Individually you both lose, but as a couple you really win.
Love isn't just a feeling.
Love is an action, not an emotion. There will be times when the warm fuzzies are ubiquitous, and times when they aren't. Show love, demonstrate it, even when you don't "feel" it. Life with two humans is inherently complicated, and the feelings are going to eventually come back, if both parties keep working at it. Don't throw away a good marriage because the feelings faded for a time.
Things won't always be easy.
Hollywood lies. It won't always be easy or be fun or always feel so desperately in love that you can't breathe. Sometimes you just feel bored or angry or frustrated. It isn't the good times that make a good relationship but how you work together in the bad times. Romantic love is a fine start, but lasting partnerships are built on stronger stuff, like trust, respect, humility and understanding. I don't mean to sound clinical, because if you can't laugh and have fun you won't last long either, but fun ends when the mortgage is due, or your mother has cancer, or you have to raise a child.
Communication is key.
People cannot read minds. Love doesn't mean your partner understands you perfectly or can foresee all your wishes. Tell your partner how you feel, explain your motives, talk about your world view, tell him/her what annoys you or what you like to do differently. Talking and explaining is almost always the right choice. Don't fall into the romantic trap that your partner should know by heart why you are moody or sad and if he doesn't he doesn't love you. That's BS. Your partner is just confused, but wants to help.
Compromise, communication, and hard work is what I find to be the key to a successful relationship, or at least MY successful relationship. Me and my wife have been married for several years and have gone through a lot of struggles together and without those things we would never had made it work.
As you can see, being married is certainly hard work. While things might not be easy, that doesn't mean that the subsequent growth isn't totally worth it. Plus, if you can make it through tough times with your bae, you'll both come out of the other side so much stronger.
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