Being able to trust your partner is one of the most important qualities of any relationship. No matter how much you love someone, if you can't establish trust, keeping the relationship on solid ground is going to be difficult. Fortunately, having people explain how they got over trust issues can be a really helpful first step toward tackling your own.
According to NYC-based relationship expert Susan Winter, trust issues can have a huge impact on someone's ability to be fully comfortable and present. "When someone claims to have trust issues, it can mean that they cannot let go and relax in a relationship," Winter previously told Elite Daily. "People with trust issues don't believe good things can happen for them, especially in love. Their understanding of romance is that it's fraught with unpredictability, and dishonesty." Sometimes, negative experiences in the past are to blame for a lack of trust in the present. And while trust can't necessarily be built overnight, it can be nurtured and improved over time. If you're struggling to move on from past pain, don't panic. Learning to trust a new partner (or even a long-term partner who made a mistake) is possible. Here's how nine Redditors addressed trust issues in their relationships.
Work on improving your self-confidence.
It depends on where your trust issues come from originally. In the beginning of my relationship I was young and had ZERO self esteem, so my mind was wired to believe that I would be left for someone else. As time went on I became more secure in the relationship and within myself, and now I can honestly say I trust my partner 100%, more than I trust myself. You may just need to have faith that time will show you that you can trust your partner.
Talk it out.
Talk about them. That's what helped me and my SO both get through issues from our previous marriages. We were straight up honest with each other that sometimes our trust issues get in the way. It helped that we were both dealing with this — so we had empathy for each other on top of understanding.
Be honest.
I’d say honest communication is key. If I ever feel weird or upset about something, I just tell him. And he listens and does his best to understand and reassure me if needed. A big part of it is finding someone who’s compassionate and honest and likes you enough to work through any issues you might have. You also have to be willing to work on yourself too, though. It’s a two way street.
Try not to blame your partner for someone else's mistakes.
Well, I remind myself that this person isn't the one who made me develop trust issues and that they're not exhibiting the same behavior, and that they haven't done anything that would make me think that they are doing anything to make me not trust them.
Another thing I do is tell them about those insecurities early on. That way, they know if I have a concern, I'll talk to them first rather than snooping, or doing anything excessive.
I generally just try to balance out any ridiculous thought I might have.
I just have to think about the best case, and somewhere in the middle, level things out instead of getting worked into a frenzy. Doesn't mean immediately letting your guard down, just knowing when you might be taking things a little too far. People don't really deserve to be judged by the actions of others, even if we can't always stop it entirely.
Acknowledge the reasons you can trust them.
Rather than look for reasons as to why I should distrust my S/O I started looking for reasons TO trust my S/O.
It had to be intentional and I had to remind myself to do it often, but eventually I overcame it and just took down the walls.
Let their actions prove their trustworthiness.
I would say reliability and transparency. If someone can show they are reliable time and time again, it definitely helps to build trust. Also, when someone is transparent about things. They don't leave out little details about things that they know would upset me.
Be patient with yourself.
Little by little, as you prove yourself trustworthy in situations with ever higher stakes.
— u/amgov
Time is the biggest factor. But what you do in that time is what really determines how much trust is built. Say you're going to do something and then follow through? Gives me an idea that you're someone who's word I can trust. Do that a bunch throughout a year or more? I'm going to believe you when you say you're going to do that thing or accomplish x task. Accidentally say something that hurts me, I tell you, you apologize and promise never to do it again, and then actually never do it again? I'm going to trust that you care about my feelings on things and I can let you know when you joke too far or hit a sore spot. I tell you a secret and you keep it to yourself? Trust built. I'm vulnerable in an area, tell you about it and you take extra care in that area? Trust built.
Although it's definitely not easy, learning to trust your SO can help establish a stable foundation to build upon. Even if you've had issues with trust in the past, you can overcome them in the present.
