3 Red Flags You’re Dating A Chronic Liar & Should End Things ASAP
Women’s intuition is not a myth, y’all. We’re perceptive AF, and even though not all of us can tell when we’re being lied to, many of us can tell when the person we’re dating is being sketchy. Being in a relationship with someone whose dishonesty is apparent from the very beginning is probably not the best idea, but a lot of times, you don’t know you’re dating a chronic liar until it’s too late.
It’s important to note that little white lies (while still not always OK) are different from big fat ones. If you and your partner are doing, like, the Paleo Diet together, and they fib about what they had for lunch because they were hella hungry and couldn’t take it anymore, maybe you shouldn’t express utter rage like you would if you’d found out that, oh, I don’t know, they’ve been lying about having non-Paleo lunch with an ex every day for the past five months. One thing is significantly worse than the other, so being able to differentiate what’s cause for concern and what isn’t is really important if you want to avoid big blowups.
The thing is, everyone lies. Whether we like to admit it or not, we’ve all lied here and there; the size of our lies is what’s important. If your partner is usually very truthful but throws a little, “Yeah, I took out the trash last night,” your way, even when they totally didn’t, then it’s probably not a big deal, as long as this doesn’t happen all the time. But, if your partner lies constantly about where they are, what they’re doing, who they’re with, and how they feel, you should probably have a conversation.
Some partners are really bad liars. Their faces change when they’re being dishonest, they’re really indiscreet, and they demonstrate sketchy behavior. But beware of the lying partner who’s good at it. Their tactics might be way more practiced, and however strong your women’s intuition might be, they can usually get away with anything because they know what they’re doing. Keep an eye out for these signs you’re dating a chronic liar.
01They Gaslight You
If you confront your partner about their behavior, they will fight back with everything they have in order to either deny it, make you feel like you’re crazy, or make you feel like it’s your fault. This is called gaslighting, and according to a 2017 survey by YouGov, 33 percent of the women surveyed had been called “crazy” or “insane” by someone they were dating. Make no mistake — gaslighting is absolutely a form of manipulation. If your partner refuses to tackle your questions or concerns head-on, and instead, resorts to calling you “crazy” for thinking whatever it is you’re thinking , or says you’re blowing things out of proportion, they are gaslighting you. They’re probably trying to change the subject or cover up some lie that they don’t want to get caught in.
“It’s going to be something to make you doubt your ability to follow your intuition and your recollection for events,” love and dating coach Monica Parikh of School of Love NYC tells Elite Daily.
Whatever issue it is that you’re trying to confront, Parikh says to carefully watch your partner’s reaction when you bring it up.
02You Witness Them Lie To Other People
Seeing your partner tell harmless little lies here and there probably isn’t a huge deal. But, if you witness them lying beyond a simple, “I can't go out, I’m sick,” and it becomes a pattern, keep an eye out. “Take note of that,” says Parikh, “because if they lie to somebody else, they’re going to lie to you.”
03Their Stories Are Always A Bit Far-Fetched
Look, sometimes, people experience crazy sh*t. Enrique Iglesias carried me as a baby at an airport once. It happens! But if your partner has one too many stories like this, chances are they're probably fibbing.
A guy once told me he read Blue Ivy Carter a bedtime story. I am not joking. And I believed it! It wasn't until a few days later that I realized there is literally no way in hell anyone outside the Knowles-Carter circle could ever read Blue Ivy a bedtime story. Love makes you see through rose-colored glasses. Make sure you're using your common sense. If someone tells you they've climbed Mount Everest seven times... don't believe them. No one's done that, like, ever.
Believe it or not, some people will push these crazy lies over and over again to make you think they're just the bee's knees. It's manipulation, and they'll stick to their story so hard that you'll start to think they might be telling the truth, even though their lies are totally see-through. It should be easy to spot these liars, because honestly, they're not even good liars. Remember: If it looks like sh*t, and it smells like sh*t, it's probably, well, sh*t. Sorry not sorry.
If you’ve been in relationships where your partners haven’t exactly been "Peter Kraus from The Bachelorette"-level great, being skeptical of their actions (especially when they’re acting sus) is understandable. Parikh agrees, but says that you shouldn’t let your past experiences make you paranoid of every little thing your partner does.
“If you’ve been burned in a relationship in the past, you can develop almost a hyper-vigilance where you become very afraid of being burned again, and because of that, often you’ll see signs or you’ll look for things and you become a little paranoid,” says Parikh. “It’s more important to be very calm and measured, and to really tap into that deep knowing inside of yourself, and the only way you can access that deep knowing is to really slow down and calm down, and really begin to focus inward.”
Case-in-point: Trust your intuition. It’s your most powerful tool! The better you know your partner, the better you’ll know their values and how likely they are to try and deceive you. Your gut knows what it’s talking about. And if you realize that you just can’t trust your partner, maybe you’re better off without them.
Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.
Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!
