Everything To Get, No Steal, From Target’s Epic Black Friday 2017

Move over Thanksgiving, Black Friday and Cyber Monday are quickly approaching. If the thought of standing among the absurd crowds is overwhelming, you're not alone. Many stores have released their upcoming sales, and the Target Black Friday deals are out-of-control amazing.

I am the queen of online shopping. Ask any of my friends, or my mailman, and you'll get confirmation. So when Cyber Monday first became a thing I thought, "my time has come." And boy, what a time to be alive. More and more stores are spanning their online sales to cover Black Friday, the weekend directly following, and sometimes even on Thanksgiving.

Target's in-store Black Friday sales officially start on Thanksgiving day, Nov. 23 at 6 p.m. The stores aren't open overnight (which I'm OK with because I wouldn't want to work that shift, either) but reopen Nov. 24 at 6 a.m. And if you're a Target-addict like myself, you should have a Target REDcard, because it gets you 5 percent off of everything, all the time. The REDcard also gets you early online access to the store's Black Friday deals, starting the day before Thanksgiving, Nov. 22, so you can really get a jump on your holiday shopping this year.

Browse Target's best deals below and add them to your wishlist, so come Black Friday you can instantly place your order and avoid any unwanted skin-to-skin contact with other shoppers.

Straightener For Accident-Prone People

This golden Chi flat iron normally retails for $100, but you can save 25 percent and get it for $75. It may still sound pricey, but a quality hair tool (with a thermal protective mat) is worth the investment so you don't fry your entire head like this girl.

Peace, Serenity, & It's Cheap

If you haven't heard, healing crystals are in. Anything that comes from Sharper Image just sounds fancy AF, and you don't have to tell anyone this lamp only cost you $13. Plug it in to soothe, balance, and inspire anyone who sees it.

Fresh To Death Beauty Set

Next big announcement: All beauty gift sets at Tarjay are buy one, get one 50 percent off! Considering beauty sets make amazing holiday gifts, this is glorious news, and this Juicy Couture fragrance set is sure to please.

Head-To-Toe Glow Giver

This epic skincare set boasts everything you need for buttah-like skin, from a scrub to an actual body butter. Plus, everything is TSA-approved, so you can bring it all back with you wherever you live.

If You Order Too Much Take-Out

Calm your Seamless obsession and learn to cook along the way. A slow cooker is all you need to get through the winter months (not including the food you'll cook in it.) You can easily prep soups, stews, casseroles, and almost anything else you'd want to eat on a night in. And it only costs $10, so yeah, you're fresh out of excuses. And if your foodie friend/mom doesn't have one already, here's your gift for her!

Sweaters You Can Stockpile

One of Target's new brands, A New Day, is so cute and affordable I can't handle it. Their cozy, awesome sweaters usually sell for around $20, but on Black Friday, they're only $10! I'm gonna stock up.

OK Google Now Let's Get Information

This is a cool personal assistant-like device that listens to whatever you say when you start with, "OK, Google." The Google Home normally retails for $129, but Target is going to sell it to you (and me, because I'm going to buy one) for $79! Finally, someone to boss around with zero guilt.

Mini OK Google Now Let's Get Information

If you don't want to shell out the cash for the full-size Google Home, Target has you covered with the Google Home Mini for only $29. It resembles a hockey pock and functions just like its big brother, but with a slightly-less powerful speaker system. Normally $49, you'll snag it for $20 less, and you'll get a $10 Target gift card for your next purchase.

For The Guy Who Never Knows What To Wear

I'm hard-pressed to think of anything of quality you can get for under $5 these days, but these Goodfellow & Co. tees are going to be $4. Perhaps most importantly, they don't at all look like they cost less than coffee, thanks to the on-trend colors and fit.

Can't Beat This Price

I know you've been eyeing a pair of these Beats by Dre headphones, because I have too. From what I've heard (pun intended), the sound quality is insanely good. And I know the price tag here is still hefty, but let me remind you that they usually sell for $350. You're saving more than you're spending here, so I'd say it's worth it.

I've done all I can, check out the rest of Target's hundreds of Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals here. The only thing left to decide? If you can bear to part with all of your awesome purchases, or if you want to keep them for yourself. No comment on what I'll do.