The Secret To Having Your Partner Sleep Over Without Pissing Off Your Roommates
When you live with roommates, you quickly figure out what each person's preferences and quirks are when it comes to sharing space. Your home is as much yours as it is theirs, and if they're bringing a significant other over most days, everyone should be on the same page – since you're basically adding in another roommate, rent-free. If there's a boyfriend or girlfriend sleeping over when you have roommates, just make sure everyone who lives in the apartment is fine with it.
Creating an understanding of how often people might be over can help your roommates set their expectations. Because days-old kitchen messes and extra-long showers aren't things anyone should have to deal with from someone they didn't even agree to live with in the first place. Especially a shared pet – which will require the roommate's partner to be at the apartment extra often – is probably something you should run by the other roommates first. Just a thought. I sought out the stories of some young millennial friends of mine to see how they dealt with their roommates having people over, or how they deal with bringing over their own significant others for the weekend (and sometimes, more than that).
It's not okay for more than half the week.
Jake, 23, lives with two of his best friends. His female roommate has a girlfriend that used to stay over their apartment four to five times a week, and Jake thought that was too much – especially since in his long-distance relationship, his boyfriend only stays over for three days out of the month.
He admits that it's better now after he confronted his roommate's girlfriend while drunk.
"So the funny thing is that it's gotten a lot better since I got very drunk and during a blackout told her girlfriend that she wasn't fun and that she's over too much and thinks she has some sort of control over what happens in the apartment," Jake tells Elite Daily. "Which she did, especially since they just got a cat, she was going to be over way more than she was already, which was like [four to five] nights a week. And I couldn't deal with that. It really is exhausting to have a guest in your apartment more than [half] of the week, especially consecutively. But now she can barely look me in the eyes, so it's a little bit of a give and take."
It's fine if you figure out a system that works for everyone.
Tess, 25, has two random roommates who both have boyfriends. Adding up the nights from each boyfriend, Tess has to deal with at least one roommate's significant other in her apartment almost every night of the week.
"Luckily, I get along with my roommates' boyfriends and they're great people," Tess tells Elite Daily. "Do I get a little awkward when I'm on the couch watching TV and there are two people cuddling beside me? Yes. Otherwise, they're cognizant of the fact that there are other people around."
"I've been living there for more than a year and I haven't had an incident where I've felt super uncomfortable," she says. "Occasionally, I'll feel like a third wheel, but that's just me thinking that and they always assure me that it's fine if I hang! What made me more comfortable with them was hanging out outside of our apartment."
As for Tess bringing people over? "I've brought people home and they don't care," she says. "We have a group text and I'll just give them a heads up. Whether it's someone I've brought home after a night out or someone visiting out of town. We've always had open lines of communication and transparency."
They should be clean and respectful, and not add the worry of dealing with another roommate.
Marnie*, 24, has a roommate whose partner stays over every weekend, and occasionally during weeknights. She thinks him showering two times a day would get on her nerves if he didn't ask before using it. "Respect is key," Marnie tells Elite Daily.
What does bother Marnie, though, is her roommate's parter cleaning habits – or lack thereof.
"This is perhaps their only annoying habit, but I can deal with it," she says. "It could be worse."
If you have separate bathrooms, it's probably easier.
Sydnee, 26, lives with her brother in a two-bedroom, two-bathroom apartment. Her ex-boyfriend used to come over most nights, cooked dinner (with his owns pots and pans!), and cleaned up.
"He was usually pretty good about cleaning up any kitchen messes, though. Luckily, my roommate (who's also my brother and in college) and I had separate bathrooms, both in our bedrooms so sharing the shower wasn't an issue."
"TBH, if the situation were reversed, I would prefer to have a schedule of when my roommate's partner would stay over... maybe weekends only or every other weekend," Sydnee tells Elite Daily. "That's something I would probably implement even for myself in future relationships. I know for a fact that my brother would get annoyed at how early my [boyfriend] and I woke up on weekends. My [boyfriend] was a very active person so sleeping in when he was around was never really an option."
As for her brother bringing people over?
"He's never had anyone stay the night but it's more of a personal preference than it is a roommate consideration," she says. "He doesn't like having people in his space for long periods of time, which is why I totally get the need to talk to your roommate before you start bringing people over."
At the end of the day, you just need to remember to be respectful and aware that you're sharing a living space, and ask for that same respect from your roommates, too.
*Names have been changed.
