Here's The Truth On Whether Touching Yourself Affects Your Pleasure With A Partner

When it comes to sexuality and sexual health, masturbation is a commonly misunderstood subject. There are multiple myths out there about masturbation, including whether it can de-sensitize your clitoris or lower your satisfaction level with a partner. You also might have heard that masturbating too much can prevent orgasms with a partner, but is that even true? The short answer is no. For the long answer, I talked with sex and relationship psychotherapist Kate Moyle about why masturbation doesn't decrease the likelihood of orgasming during solo sex and how it can actually be a healthy thing for your sex life with a partner.

Moyle explains, "Masturbation is part of a healthy sex life, learning about your body, and knowing how to experience pleasure." She also explained that it's a great way for partners to get to know each other better and understand what each person needs to feel satisfied during sex. This is important to note because masturbation is often seen as separate from sex with another person, but the two are very much a part of your sexuality. Thinking of them as two different sides of the same coin could be helpful in understanding that one cannot solely be a detriment to the other.

For anyone who is concerned about a vibrator de-sensitizing their clitoris, don't worry. Moyle says, "Vibrators won't change the way your body works or operates, but what you can build up is a tolerance to using one. In basic terms, you just get used to it (like anything in life), so it's good to mix up the way that you use vibrators so that it doesn't just become routine." As Moyle says, it's unlikely that your vibrator or method of self-stimulation will permanently affect your body.

You can also consider switching up your styles so that you come to understand what works best for you and you don't feel like you can only climax from one specific method of stimulation. For instance, if you're worried that using a vibrator on your own will prevent you from climaxing with your partner, Moyle encourages a variety of techniques. Use your fingers, hands, and other sex toys outside of your go-to to make sure that your body, and mind, doesn't get particularly used to one specific method of stimulation. If you're worried that the way that you finger yourself will prevent you from orgasming when your partner fingers you, consider communicating or demonstrating what usually works for you on your own. And, most importantly, try not rush things! Patience is important when it comes to learning about your body and sharing your favorite techniques with others.

There's actually a perfectly understandable reason for why this myth — that masturbation makes it harder to enjoy sex with a partner — is so widespread. Sexual satisfaction can definitely differ between solo sex and sex with a partner. Some individuals may find that they can orgasm easily and frequently on their own, but struggle to do so with a partner. This, according to Moyle, comes down to comfort levels and communication. "It often becomes a problem for people when they experience more pleasure on their own than when they are with their partner. This can be worked on with good communication and showing your partner what you like and prefer."

Masturbation may be blamed for a lack of orgasms with a partner but it could also simply be the specific sexual relationship you're currently in and how your communication works. Moyle explains that when we're alone we really let go and this allows our bodies to be fully stimulated. Climaxing can be easier alone because we lack the self-consciousness we may have with a partner that keeps us from being present in the moment.

If you're entering a new sexual relationship with a person and frustrated that you don't climax like you do on you own, be patient. It takes time for your body to adjust and for you to fully bring the benefits of masturbation into the bedroom with a partner. Moyle adds, "Couples can play around with masturbation showing each other what they would do on their own by guiding each other with their hands or allowing their partner to watch them masturbate so that they can show them what feels good."

When it comes down to it, solo sex or sex with a partner are both healthy ways of expressing your sexuality. When practiced safely, one isn't an inherent detriment to the other. Orgasms can be difficult to achieve for many reasons but it's helpful to remember that there are numerous options and techniques to try until you find a few that work for you. Always remember that both sex alone and with a partner can be a part of a healthy sex life. It's always awesome to debunk a myth and find reassurance that the opposite is true — especially when it comes to having better sex alone or with a partner!

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