How To Make Sure Mercury Retrograde Doesn't Throw Off Your Sleep Schedule

Three to four times a year, everyone is #blessed with the experience of Mercury going into retrograde (sarcasm intended). The optical illusion that makes the smallest, yet most powerful planet appear to be spinning backwards, doesn't just look trippy AF; it truly screws with every. Damn. Thing. In. Existence. Seriously though, the other night I was tossing and turning all night long, and I couldn't help but wonder, does Mercury in retrograde affect sleep? Spoiler alert: yes. Yes it does.

My friends, Mercury is currently in its fourth and final retrograde of 2017. Thank the freaking lord, amirite? But considering all the wild occurrences that happened during the last three retrogrades this year, I'm over here wondering this: How in the world are we all going to survive until Dec. 22, when retrograde season has finally come to an end?

I mean, between making everyone feel super emotional and unstable, to causing a steep decline in communication skills, and honestly just causing you to doubt any decision you've ever made since second grade, Mercury sure knows how to create a path of reckless destruction.

And if all of that mayhem wasn't already enough, the rumors are true, people.

Your favorite planet is, indeed, interfering with your beauty sleep, and you have the right to be pissed as hell about it.

It's believed that each time Mercury goes into retrograde, there are increased reports of strange dreams, sleep deprivation, and even sleep-walking. Oh, and if you've never heard of a little phenomenon called "false awakenings," that's when you have a dream that is so incredibly realistic, you basically believe that you're awake. It can be pretty unnerving and unsettling, and yes, it's more likely to happen while Mercury is in dreaded retrograde.

Aside from super vivid dreams, you might also dwell more on your past while you're dreaming, or even relive experiences that you'd rather not be thinking about at all. That's right, Mercury has the power to stir up even the most deeply buried experiences you've had throughout your life. This is because good ol' Mercury actually has significant power over your nerves and brain, and both of those things are important factors when it comes to getting a good night's sleep.

I mean, I guess I'd be fine if my dreams were kind of wacky for a few days. But the fact that the retrograde causes sleep deprivation as well, that's just not OK on any level. The inadequate amount of shut-eye that Mercury's retrograde may cause can lead to extreme confusion, as well as difficulty anchoring yourself the the present moment.

So, yeah, the universe is basically conspiring to f*ck up your sleep for no reason. Tough times, fam. Tough times.

This year's final retrograde may leave little hope for sleeping through the night, but there are some things you can do to still catch some Zs.

For starters, naps are going to be your ride or die until Dec. 22. Not only will they help you catch up on stolen hours of snooze time, but the occasional nap will also help you maintain your sanity while the solar system is going haywire. Power-nap like it's your damn job, sister.

Of course, napping during the day often isn't that realistic (though I am a firm believer that every job should implement a hearty nap time). So, if you can't get the opportunity to take a little siesta, try turning your phone on airplane mode and hitting the hay a bit earlier than you normally would.

While you're at it, try brewing a hot cup of herbal tea and taking a warm shower before going to bed to help soothe your potentially wired brain and get some rest in the midst of this major #retroshade.

Other than that, we're just going to have to tough it out and survive this time of turmoil together. Honestly, just go home, Mercury. Nobody wants you here.