There's nothing more frustrating than being held in a dateless purgatory by someone you're crushing on. Once you've been texting long enough to know that you're interested in getting to know them better, going on a date seems like the logical next step. The only issue is that despite the interest you've shown, for whatever reason, they haven't taken the initiative to make plans. Figuring out how to get someone you like to make plans might seem daunting, but it doesn't have to be.
According to matchmaking and dating expert Stef Safran, keeping things in casual friend territory is a great way to initiate spending time together. "Start a conversation that you'll try to meet up in person for something casual like coffee, lunch, a workout class, or go to a sports or trivia league together," Safran tells Elite Daily. "Don't start by trying to go on a date. Start by building a foundation and friendship that might be a little flirty."
If there's chemistry and mutual interest, then it doesn't really matter if spending time together is explicitly labeled as a date or not. "Dates are not always so cut-and-dry these days, [and by hanging out] you might learn they're not long-term relationship material anyways," explains Safran.
Now, I know what some of you are probably thinking: If they like you, then why aren't they being more assertive? Well, the truth is that you have more power than you think. You can also make a move! Maybe they're waiting on you to take the first step. "You never have to wait for someone else to make the plans," Clinical Psychologist Dr. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., tells Elite Daily. "Regardless of gender, or orientation, either party can be the initiator or the recipient. It is acceptable, it is normal, and it moves through interactions more efficiently."
In a perfect world, getting swept off of your feet by the bae of your dreams would be idyllic. They would say the perfect things, plan the perfect dates, and introduce you to your friends by week two. Unfortunately, things don't always work out like that in real life. But that doesn't mean they aren't a totally cool person who could make a great partner if you can get some momentum going.
"This may not be exactly the way you want the events to unfold, but ask yourself, 'If I don’t pursue and they don’t pursue, could we simply both be waiting for the other to pursue?'" says Klapow. "Focus your efforts on what you want as an endpoint: to go out with this person. That is what is most important."
If you've decided you're OK with asking them out, Klapow recommends keeping things as simple and low-key as possible by suggesting you meet for coffee. "Express yourself in an open and honest way," says Klapow. "Let the person know you have [an] interest in them, you want to learn more about them, you want to get to know them." Although putting yourself out there can be scary, having regrets or constantly thinking about what could've been is a huge bummer. Worst-case scenario: They turn you down and you can delete their number and go on with your life knowing it wasn't meant to be. Thank u, next.
