Here's How To Show Yourself Some Love On National Singles Day

"Self-love" and "self-care" are terms that people tend to throw around all the time, and for what? Everyone knows that it's important to love and feel good about yourself. But it's crucial to remember that your self-love journey isn't about simply checking off a box.

As Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, relationship expert and Astroglide’s resident sexologist, explains, "The way you feel about yourself affects every area of your life." This includes your mental and physical health, all your relationships, your work, your stress levels, your energy levels, your cognitive function, your sleep patterns, and your diet. "Self-love — however you define it — is one way to augment your self-esteem to make all areas of your life more meaningful and fulfilling," O'Reilly says.

Likewise, Natalie Hatjes, a sexual wellness hypnotherapist and sexuality educator, says that self-love is important because it fuels healthy decision-making. "You are more likely to make choices that feed your soul, so that you are operating at your highest potential," Hatjes tells Elite Daily. "You walk away from situations that are not serving you, and are able to set and honor your boundaries."

Casey Tanner, a gender and sex therapist, echoes this, saying, "If we can find that solace within ourselves, we can make choices about how to spend our time that do not come from a deficit mindset, but from a place of strength."

The main way they advise getting there? Work on feeling at home in your own body. Tanner says, "If we don't feel at home in our own skin, we will be forever searching for something, somewhere, or someone outside of ourselves to make us feel OK."

One specific way to show yourself some physical self-love is with masturbation, an underrated tool for feeling at home in your body. "Many of us have had our sexualities politicized, targeted, shamed, or exploited by others. Many of us have had sexual experiences with people who did not attend to our pleasure. Many of us have jobs that require constant attention to others," Tanner points out. "Masturbation and self-pleasure create space to mindfully attend only to you."

Similarly, Hatjes says, "For me, self-pleasure is one of the greatest ways I practice self-love. It keeps me present and aware of all parts of my body. I am able to receive pleasure and practice gratitude all while loving myself vulnerably and intimately."

At the end of the day, masturbation can actually be a radical act of self-love. "We live in a world that often minimizes the importance of pleasure, and tells us that our worth is tied to productivity and consumerism. This is the opposite of self-love," Dr. Chris Donaghue, a sexologist and SKYN Condoms' sex and intimacy expert, says. "Focusing on acts of self-pleasure challenges this and reinforces that you are already inherently of value."

Self-care can look different for everyone, every day. You can practice self-care by protecting your energy and setting boundaries, seeing a therapist, or journaling. But self-care can also include physical experiences that nurture you, too.

If you want to stay in on National Singles Day, why not journal about all the things you're grateful for, give yourself a facial, or spend the day unplugged by turning off your phone? Tanner also suggests writing yourself a letter. "Tell yourself the things you admire, desire, and enjoy about who you are. Tell yourself about a time when you did something bad*ss this year, or tell yourself about a time that you struggled and were brave," Tanner says.

You can also book an acupuncture appointment, a massage session, or go out to your favorite restaurant to enjoy a meal by yourself. And of course, you can also indulge in masturbation as a form of self-care. "Masturbate," O'Reilly says. "It’s sex with someone you love and you’ll likely find that you’re in a better mood when you’re done."

Again, your National Singles Day should be all about you. Use the sex toy you want. Explore the fantasies that turn you on. Light the candles you like. "Enjoy your body, solely because it's yours," Tanner says.

Hatjes also adds you can buy yourself flowers and turn on some music to set the mood. "Massage your body with oil and acknowledge all of your senses," Hatjes says. She also advises trying to focus how good the pleasure itself feels, without necessarily making an orgasm the goal. "Self-pleasure may not come easy at first, so it is OK to start slow. Caressing your body and reciting positive sexual affirmations are great ways to create a new process of self-love through masturbation."

"I tell my patients to engage in daily acts of self-love, because anything less is actually self-harm," Donaghue says of his work as a sex and relationships therapist. "If your schedule does not allow for this, then you are not living a life of mental health. Sex of all types is a beautiful and simple way to begin the process of centering your life around self-love.”

On National Singles Day — and all the other days of the year, really— remember to prioritize your self-love and self-pleasure, no matter what that looks like. Know that it's not about having some perfectly regimented self-care routine, but about checking in with yourself and making sure you're OK. And if anything, take Sept. 22 to look in the mirror, make like Lizzo, and say, "Damn, they're the one."