Few things inspire dating-induced anxiety like trying to figure out the intricacies of texting etiquette. If someone likes you, then receiving texts from you will be met with positive responses, and if they don't or aren't sure how they feel, then you may notice lags in response times or no response at all... right? Well, in a nutshell, yes. But, things can get a bit murkier when it comes to "faux pas" such as double texting. How to double text without looking desperate can be a bit tricky because let's face it, certain texting "moves" do imply higher interest levels than others.
Look, there's nothing wrong with following up on a text if that is what you're honestly doing. If, however, you are trying to engage with someone who isn't being responsive, then this is a situation where sending multiple texts without hearing back could come off as a bit much. And yes, they definitely, definitely got your message. Luckily, there are some ways to followup without coming across as overly needy.
1. Give Them Enough Time To Respond
The main issue with double texting is that it is oftentimes executed when the initial texter is worried that their original text is being ignored. Sometimes this isn't the case. The truth is that not everyone — depending on their job, schedule, etc. — can talk at all hours. "You have to remember that you aren't the only thing happening in the world," says Eric Resnick, a dating coach and founder of Profile Helper.
It's always a good idea to make sure you have given them more than enough time to respond before even considering sending another text. If you texted them in the a.m. and still haven't heard back by the next morning, then it could be OK to consider following up.
2. Be Honest About Whether Your Text Required A Response
"[Double texting] can definitely read as a desperate move, so be sure to only do it if it's going to really pack a punch," Resnick says.
Let's examine why someone would feel the need to send a double text. Maybe you are following up on a loose end that you actually need a response to (i.e., if you're still on for Saturday or if they actually want to accompany you to an event they said yes to in passing), or you're trying to keep a dying text conversation going. The former is a completely solid reason to follow up, but the latter could be a red flag that their interest level may not be high enough to keep the momentum.
When you're really into someone, it's easy to let our sky-high expectations get the best of us. In a perfect world, the apple of our eye would be texting us sweet nothings on the regular. But it's important to stop and consider if your text really required a response. If it did and they chose to leave you hanging, this could be a sign that they're not feeling it.
3. Be Aware Of Your Tone And Wording
If you've decided that you're going to send a followup text, the most important thing is to avoid letting your annoyance and/or disappointment come across in your second text. This is not to say you shouldn't totally bring up the fact that their lack of responsiveness makes you feel a certain way if that's the case, but those type of conversations are best kept for face-to-face interactions. It's best to keep it light, casual, and to avoid any passive aggression.
If they were supposed to accompany you to a friends party but haven't gotten back to you about if they can make it, something along the lines of: "Heyo, just wanted to see if we're still on for Saturday? I've heard mumblings of blended Margaritas and would hate for you to miss out ;)". It's flirty, to the point, and more importantly, gives them a chance to decline but propose you grab drinks together another time.
Also, it may be tempting to send a separate text per word or sentence (aka "barking," as dating expert Meredith Golden calls it), leaving the person on the other end having to string together 10 texts to make one full thought. Don't do this. It can and likely will get annoying fast.
4. If All Else Fails, Call Them
What if I told you there was a way to eliminate the potential for any double-texting awkwardness altogether and leave the person you're pining after floored — and maybe even a little intimidated — by your confidence? Didn't hear back from them for a day or two, but want to give them one last chance to bite the bait? Call.
I can't believe how much people underestimate the power of hearing another human's voice. Plus, it will keep them on their toes, because assuming they are brave enough to answer, you get them to respond in real time, giving you a much better idea from the tone of their voice if they are excited to hear from you and your message genuinely slipped under the radar, or if they just aren't feeling it.
Now, it's still important to consider how long ago you texted them — from my experience, calling is the most effective when at least a full day has passed. If it's less than that, any communication (call or text) could come across as needier then you might have intended. In retrospect, the people who were ballsy enough to follow up with me or even just have a casual exchange over the phone always came across as super confident. Even if I wasn't interested, getting a well-timed phone call usually left me wondering if I should be.
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