Relationships
19 Women In Long-Term Relationships Reveal Secrets For Keeping The Passion Alive
by Candice Jalili
Even the best long-term relationships aren't immune to the occasional romantic lull. I mean, think about it logically. If you're spending years and years and years with one person, the odds of every single day being a perfect 10 on the love-o-meter aren't too high. What makes a couple truly strong is the ability to move past the lulls and reignite that same flame they had on day one. That being said, knowing how to keep the passion alive in a relationship isn't necessarily a skill that comes naturally to all of us. So, for those of you wondering how to get the spark going again, I come bearing some extremely valuable advice. In a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, ladies in long-term relationships shared their best tips for keeping the passion alive.
Never Stop Making Romantic Gestures
He slaps me on the ass sometimes, so I guess you could say we're going strong.
For real though, he is the sweetest guy. We've been together almost 7 years, engaged almost 2, and he loves romance. He buys me flowers, takes me out for dinner. He's very affectionate and loves to cuddle. He tells me he loves me more than I can count, including every morning when we wake up and every night before we go to sleep. He tells me he's proud of me all the time and although we're not hyperactive sexually at the moment (stressful life circumstances), when we do have sex it's pretty frickin' mind blowing.
Make Time For Date Night
4 years here. Yeah we do romantic things every now and again, we aren't the most romantic couple though. He bought me flowers last month because I was sad and he wanted to cheer me up; he's just sweet. We try and have a 'date night' once a month, not just going out for dinner but going to the beach, to a nature reserve. My favourite dates have always been the days out together where we find a little cafe/ restaurant wherever we are and eat there.
We still cuddle and have regular sex. We kiss every day, and I insist on good morning and goodbye kisses. We do passionately kiss, and that tends to be when we are starting to fool around. Sometimes it's just nice to have a cheeky snog though isnt it really. We sleep naked and spoon every night, I just feel very intimate when we are doing this.
Basically we fancy each other, so that keeps the spark and we are like best friends too, so that is a strong foundation there.
Oh and I'm a pretty good cook so my SO declares his love for me when I've made dinner; my nan insisted the way to a mans heart is through his stomach after all. I like the compliments and he likes the food, it works.
Show Your Partner How Much You Care
We just never stopped doing things intended to show or love and appreciation for each other. We've been together more than 13 years and are still that couple that holds hands, sits side-by-side, enjoys being together, and is demonstratively loving towards each other. It's just a natural part of our relationship. Now - these things may not be what looks like traditional romance to others. Everyone has their own idea of what that is. For us, though, it definitely works.
Keep Saying "I Love You"
12 years.
We've never been "romantically inclined" in the traditional sense. My idea of a romantic surprise is him buying crisps or other stuff I like to put in my mouth on his way home without me asking for it. Passionate kisses? Only during foreplay, much to my detriment. I love kissing, I'd love to make out more and just leave it at that. He's not really interested in that because he associates it with sex. Sweet cuddles, them I get in abundance. We tell each other that we love one another often. And kiss when he gets home, and when one of us goes to bed (we rarely go to bed at the same time.)
I don't know how we managed to keep it this way. We just kept doing what we've always done? (Except for sex. That frequency has gone down substantially.)
Cuddle Often
Been together 12 years this year. We definitely still have passionate make outs and sweet cuddles. Had both yesterday in fact.
You just keep dating your partner. Don’t get complacent, don’t take them for granted, keep doing thoughtful things for them.
Make Your Partner Smile
Yep! Been together for over 6 years now and it’s the best thing in the world. You fall in love with your partner over and over again. My bf is such a romantic. Any chance he gets to make me smile, he’ll take in a heartbeat! But that’s true of me as well- and I think it’s so important to reciprocate romantic gestures.
When you really love someone, you want them to be happy. My bf is the most wonderful man and it’s become so easy loving him. We’ve had our fair share of speed bumps, but in the end it’s important to remember to always keep working at your relationship - especially when things get tough. You have to actively keep the romance alive in long term relationships, and that takes two.
Leave Cute Notes For Each Other
16 years together, 10 married. We always hug and kiss goodbye in the morning. Random cuddles, hugs, and slow dances in the kitchen. Still passionate and find the other sexy. We still hit on each other. We leave cute notes where the other will find them. It’s a matter of not stopping those things, make it a priority. He’s my best friend and I love him madly.
Figure Out Your Love Languages
13 years later (married 12yrs) and we are still “romantic” (at least by my definition). It takes work and communication. We’re still very flirty, touchy, and kissy. And we discuss our “love language” (for a lack of a better phrase) often. Right now my love language is a lot of attention and his is me surprising him with things. Five years ago mine was full on candle lit romance and his was me playing video games with him. People change, which is why communication is so important.
Vocalize Your Appreciation For Your Partner
Lesbians. 17 years last Saturday. Yes, yes, and yes.
We went through a seriously rough patch that lasted about 3 years. We made it through by finally realizing and vocalizing how much we mean to each other and we haven’t stopped doing that since then.
I truly appreciate her and she truly appreciates me. We carry each other when we can’t carry ourselves and we push each other to do what she wants to do.
We’re walking relationship goals memes and I can’t believe it.
Communicate Your Needs And Desires
Yes. We’ve been married 2 years but together 15. We never did romantic surprises like, roses and champagne. But he takes me on “ambush dates” sometimes. The last one was to a snow cone hut that makes snow cones that look like gnomes.
I don’t know how we managed to “keep” this. Our relationship just keeps getting better and we don’t take one another for granted. We’re explicit about what we want and communicate very clearly about our needs and feelings.
Always Hold Hands
Around six years now. Neither him or me are into surprises, so that doesn't happen, but we often hold hands, brush each other when we walk past, and we cuddle and kiss a lot. If anything it's increased now that we live together. He'll try to hold my hand whenever we're sitting down or lying down together. It has never stopped.
Trade Massages Often
8 years. Different genders. Yes, all the time. He rubs my back every night. I wake him up the same way. Last night he did one of my chores to surprise me, and this morning I packed his lunch because I saw he forgot. We talk sweet to each other every day.
As far as advice, choose somebody you are crazy for, and vice versa, and then wait it out to see if you're compatible as well. You don't really start to know somebody until year 3 or 4. I got lucky with a partner who is communicative, supportive, and has similar life preferences and goals.
But one way to weed out people who won't be right for you might be to ask if they believe in the idea of the honeymoon period. My personal opinion is that people who are very invested in the concept that all love fades and settles allow for a self fulfilling prophecy.
Read The Same Books And Bring Each Other Coffee In Bed
Together almost 8 years. Live together. He still opens all my doors for me when we are out. Brings me little gifts. Asks me on dates (we went ax throwing the other weekend!!!!). Cooks for me often. Asks me to read a book he’s just read so we can discuss it. Brings me coffee in bed.
We make it a point to be physically affectionate with one another. Keep the comfort and passion alive. It makes a big difference.
We both make it a point to do things for each other that mean the most to us. Our communication is amazing thankfully. And we let each other know when we need something from the other instead of hoping they’ll just notice something we’ve never brought up.
Never Go To Bed Angry
My husband and I have been together for almost 8 years. I still get excited to spend time with him. He really is my favorite person- trying a new coffee shop, heading to Costco, going for a walk are all “fun” together. He’s cute and funny and we have so much to talk about. (We are in the same industry but have separate interests). I still think he’s so handsome and he’s still attracted to me (despite my current 38 week pregnant belly). I don’t know what exactly to attribute it to- we work really hard to have healthy and respectful communication, so anger and resentment are never present between us. We talk positively about each other. Most of all, we feel SO lucky to have each other. That gratitude goes a long way.
Get Into The Habit Of Making Each Other Feel Loved
Het couple. Together 6. Married for 1. He still squeezes my derriere when I walk by. Whistles when I change into my clothes or night gown. Kisses me passionately - which STILL gets me going and has this thing, when he has a bad day, he hugs me. Counts to 20 and says “there. Much better”.
We keep it alive. We try to speak each others love language every single day. We enjoy filling each others love tanks... it’s not easy everyday but once you do, it becomes very natural to want and crave that smile when you do do something that makes them feel loved/special. I pray and hope we do this for a long time 💙
Treat Your Partner Like Your Best Friend
My husband and I are soon going to celebrate our 42 or 43rd anniversary.... I'm really, really bad with time. It could even be our 44th coming up, haha.
Things are still so awesome between us. There were "dry" years, of course. No one in the midst of menopause and hot flashes is too interested in getting all sexy. But those years pass.
Things do change as we age.....but it's just something we incorporate into our sex lives. Libedo weakens as we get older, so I now get a little testosterone pellet inserted into my butt cheek twice a year. Oh my gosh, it's like being 16 again. Only better, because now we've got years of intimacy between us, we've got this "us" that we choose every day.
Two little remarks for a life filled with intimacy, and you've heard them before:
Sexual desire begins in the brain. My gyn says the brain is the largest sexual organ for both sexes. So do whatever it takes to remain on each other's team thought wise. There are days I have to tamp down thoughts of how irritated I am that he left the closet door open. Again. I make the choice to close the door and focus on something that reminds me that I love this man. Like smell his pillow, oh I love his scent!
Second, the power of "here" is so, so, so important. Touch each other often, make eye contact, tell each other you love each other, share jokes. Your partner is your best friend, your lifelong friend. Treat each other like best friends.
Remember That Love Is A Choice
14 years, hetero couple. I think the best advice given to me is that love is a choice. You have to put in the work and choose to stay committed to the other person. Sometimes it's not going to feel fair or even. Sometimes you'll feel less in love. Sometimes those feelings can persist for long periods.
But it's really worth it. Marriage is choosing a partner to go through life with, and having someone in your corner who can pick up the slack is pretty amazing. Also sex only gets better the longer you're together, as long as you openly communicate your needs.
My husband and I have kept the spark by continuing to date each other and set aside time for each other. We tell the other person we love them in their love language. When we get disconnected, we put in the effort to reconnect.
Stay Playful
My husband and I(f) have been together sine 2008 and married since 2012. We still write each other little notes. We hold each others hands every night when we fall asleep. When we nap together we spoon each other. Every Day we Play a game of Who Will say a certainly Word first. The one Who gets the most days during the werk, wins. When we watch tv, I Will Lay on his stomach and he caresses My hair.
All this and more, are just a natural Thing for us to do. I have been Very ill for a long periode, and had an unvoluntary abortion, and we've discuss ed, that if we would have left each other, it would have happend a long time ago. All of our little stupid games and Was of showing affection, have been the glue that held us and is holding us together.
Bring Each Other Surprises
Bi in a hetero marriage, 6 years.
We still actively date each other. We go out to dinner together, bring each other surprises and cook each other's favorite things just because. We were never big into kissing but we do smooch a lot and cuddle all the time. We love the hell out of each other and both try to express it all the time.
The important thing to note here is that everyone's relationship has off-days! Use these Redditors' experiences as your own personal inspiration the next time your relationship isn't feeling like a 10.
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