I can’t decide if having a crush is the best thing ever, or the worst. On the one hand, who doesn’t love that rush of butterflies when you see your crush? But on the other hand, there's the fear of rejection and disappointment if they don’t return the feelings. So I guess the answer is both, and while you can't really control who you catch feelings for, you can save yourself some trouble and heartache by understanding how to know if you’re compatible to begin with.
Being able to weed out the ones you won’t really mesh with from the long-term possibilities is really helpful. For one thing, you don’t want to waste your time with someone who ultimately won’t make you happy, but if you're the sort (like me TBH) who is scared to put yourself out there and pursue them, having an idea if you’re simpatico — and if they're maybe already feeling you, too — can make that a lot less intimidating. For insight into whether or not you and your crush will really click, Elite Daily reached out to NYC relationship expert Susan Winter, who broke down the obvious signs of compatibility and even a few more subtle ones. Here's what she says to look for.
01You Share The Same Sense Of Humor
One of the most important things in any relationship (besides the obvious things such as trust, respect, and honesty) is sharing the same sense of humor. Humor is going to help you connect and laughter is going to help get you through the hard times. But it also says a lot about your compatibility in general, Winter explains.
“When you and your crush share the same sense of humor, it means you’re on the same wavelength, she says. And this matters because being on that same level is “an important basis for a satisfying relationship.”
02You “Get” Each Other
For any relationship to be successful, there has to be healthy and productive communication. If your partner just innately “gets” you, it can go a long way toward having good communication — not to mention it just feels good to be understood.
“Nothing feels more comfortable than not having to explain ourselves to another person,” says Winter. “When we’re with the right type of person, there’s ease in the natural form of communication we share.”
03There’s Natural Chemistry Between You
When you think about chemistry between a couple, you may be thinking of passion, and yes, sex. But those types of chemistry are very fleeting. The kind of chemistry that's a lasting sign that you two will mesh well is natural chemistry. When you have that kind of chemistry, “conversation is effortless," explains Winter. "Communication is rewarding. Laughter is easy, and you feel great in each other’s presence." Natural chemistry is a very good sign you’ll make a great couple.
04You Have Interests In Common
If you’re going to turn a crush into something real, you’re going to need to have some things in common. Who wants to be with someone when you can’t share the things you enjoy with them? Sure, some of the fun of a relationship is introducing each other to new experiences, but Winter says you are much more likely to be compatible if there is some crossover. “You may like the same music, enjoy the same sports, and explore the same interests," she says. "These similarities form a foundation of natural connection and comfort.”
05They Are Crushing On You, Too
When it comes to being compatible with your crush, one thing that really doesn’t hurt is if they are already feeling you, too. But how do separate real interest from wishful thinking? Winter says you should keep an eye out for “the look.” She explains, “There’s a special kind of ‘look’ that occurs when someone’s really into you. It’s direct, deep, and potent. Even if you only caught ‘the look’ in a shy and fleeting glance, you instinctively feel its power of attraction and desire.”
So if you catch the object of your affection giving you “the look,” it’s time to suck it up and make your move or the opportunity for something special may pass you by. There is no way to totally stop crushing on people who aren’t meant for you, but at least now you know how to recognize the difference — and that really is half the battle.
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